Norquist Sends Dead Fish to Wavering Senator

Nov 26, 2012

Conservative anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist has reportedly sent a dead fish to Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss as a warning against a vote to increase taxes.

Chambliss, a veteran Republican lawmaker, had recently indicated a willingness to vote for a small tax increase as part of a compromise deficit reduction deal with the White House.

Such a move would go against Norquist's "Taxpayer Protection Pledge", which forbids lawmakers from raising taxes under any circumstances.

Today in the parking garage of his Georgetown apartment building Chambliss discovered the consequences of putting country before ideology:

"I got in my car this morning and there were 4 dead tuna in the drivers seat," he explains,"They all had the initials "G.N." carved into them. It smelled horrible."

"Underneath was a note signed by Grover that said 'Revenue Neutral Motherfucker!' "

An Offer He Can't Refuse...

President Obama won reelection while promising to raise taxes on the wealthy. Despite this mandate from the people, some conservatives have refused to compromise on the issue. In an exclusive interview with The Daily Currant, Norquist explains the presidency is simply an illegitimate institution:

"That's not how democracy works. Yes, the candidate who promised to raise taxes on the wealthy got millions more votes than the other guy. But that's just the election."

"Once the election is over, the real democracy starts. People like myself curry favor with the representatives and get them to do what we want. Its called lobbying. Look it up. It's in the Constitution."

Norquist also rejects the notion that his tactics were too heavy handed:

"A lot of people think the dead fish thing is a 'sleeping with the fishes' reference from the mob movies. Not at all. We're not mobsters here."

"Its actually meant to convey this message:  if you don't vote my way I'll cut you up like sushi and feed you to your constituents...Its totally innocent."