Pope Francis has ordered a major expansion of the Vatican's controversial drone program, calling it necessary to protect the church.
"The Vatican has many enemies around the world, and we must take the necessary steps to defend the church and ourselves," Pope Francis said in an official statement. "Unmanned drones are the most effective way to strike at hostile targets -- be they in the Middle East or elsewhere -- while keeping our clergy out of harm's way.... Read More →
Clay Aiken has joined the cast of Duck Dynasty and is currently filming season 5 in Louisiana.
In a statement released on its website today, the A&E network said it hired the openly gay American Idol alumnus to increase diversity on the hit show, which follows the lives of the Robertson family and its duck hunting merchandise company.... Read More →
Happy holidays, everyone!
Oops, we meant Merry Christmas. We know how touchy you Christians are about that, thanks to us.
As two of the world's richest men, Christmas is our favorite time of year -- and our most profitable. There is nothing we love more than people buying stuff, especially stuff they don't really need or want and can hardly afford. It's what Christmas is all about.... Read More →
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Will Ferrell parachuted from space today to promote his upcoming film Anchorman 2.
In a surprise publicity stunt, the actor was launched from Spaceport America in New Mexico and fell back down to Earth after a 22-mile drop along with a banner saying "Anchorman 2: In Theaters Tomorrow."... Read More →
Walmart announced plans today to create its own payday loan business to support its financially strapped employees.
In a press release posted on its website, the nation's largest retailer said that it decided to launch the service after hearing complaints that workers often have trouble paying their monthly bills.... Read More →
Sarah Palin disembarked from a plane in Seoul, South Korea today expecting to attend the memorial service for Nelson Mandela.
According to local reports the former Alaskan governor and Republican vice presidential candidate arrived on Asiana flight 459 from Anchorage at 6:30 a.m. local time and took nearly a half hour to realize that she had flown to the wrong country.... Read More →
If you're concerned about the federal government collecting and storing your personal information online, worry no more.
The National Security Agency (NSA) announced today its new Private Data Buy-Back Program, which will allow ordinary citizens to purchase their personal data -- including emails, phone records and browsing histories -- removing them from government servers.... Read More →
Kanye West is under fire today for claiming that he will soon be a bigger cultural and civil rights icon than Nelson Mandela.
In an interview with WGCI radio in Chicago, the notoriously self-promoting rapper said that the 95-year-old South African leader's recent death will finally allow people to focus more of their attention on West's own accomplishments.... Read More →
Former Senator Rick Santorum announced today that he is producing a remake of Brokeback Mountain in which the central characters are not gay.
In an interview on Fox News this morning, the conservative Catholic said his film company has purchased a "pro-family, pro-Christian" rewrite of the script and are looking to start production in April of next year.... Read More →
London Mayor Boris Johnson was outsmarted today when a mentally disabled child placed a stick in front of his bicycle, causing him to trip and fall to the ground.
According to multiple witnesses, Johnson had just left his posh Islington flat when his bike encountered the unexpected obstacle and launched him face-first onto the sidewalk. He suffered only superficial injuries and after a brief round of cursing, continued on his way to work at City Hall.... Read More →
A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.
Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver. ... Read More →
