Putin Tops 2016 Republican Poll

Mar 18, 2014

putin500 Russia’s President Vladimir Putin is an early favorite among Republican voters to become the party’s presidential nominee in 2016, a new poll has found.

Since the crisis in Ukraine began, Putin has earned unexpected support from right-wing pundits who see him as a more respected leader than President Barack Obama.

A phone survey of 5,000 registered voters conducted this week showed Putin’s newfound popularity has trickled down to conservative Republican voters, 66 percent of whom favored him over other potential candidates.

“Putin is everything Obama is not: decisive, tough, ballsy and quick thinking,” said Birch Barlow, a Twitter political activist. “Obama hasn’t even invaded any country; he just sends drones to do all the work.”

“Obama didn’t even kill Osama bin Laden; like a p***y, he sent the Marines to do it,” added voter Carlton Banks, whose military expertise comes from reading The Weekly Standard. “I bet Putin would have gone in alone and killed bin Laden with his bare hands. I like a candidate who is willing to kill for his country.”

“I really like that Putin isn’t intimidated by the liberal media,” said Enid Gumby, a brain specialist. “When the liberal media says bad things about Putin, he just gets rid of them. It’s something that’s long overdue in this country.”

Beats the Alternatives

Putin’s sudden popularity isn’t being ignored by other former and potential presidential candidates.

“Putin could be just what the party needs,” former House Speaker Newt Gingrich told ABC. “He’s a devout Christian and patriot. He doesn’t let Europeans tell him what to do. Russia does have a lot of oil, so I bet Putin could negotiate a good deal for us and bring gas prices down.”

“My husband, Marcus, just loves Putin,” Rep. Michele Bachmann told Fox News. “He admires masculine men, so he’s always talking about Putin: his shirtless horseback riding, his shirtless hunting, his shirtless fishing. He’s always telling me how he would love to meet Putin, shake hands with him and ‘touch greatness,’ as he describes it.

“Marcus even has a framed picture of Putin in the bathroom. Sometimes he just locks himself in the bathroom for hours, just to stare at Putin’s picture.”

Even though Putin is not a native-born U.S. citizen and has not expressed a desire to become president of the U.S., that didn’t stop some on the right from viewing him as a viable candidate.

“I still haven’t seen Obama’s birth certificate proving he wasn’t born in Kenya,” wrote Joseph Farah in the right-wing WorldNetDaily, which has promoted the birther theory. “But I have seen Putin’s birth certificate and it clearly states that he was born in Springfield, USA, to American parents Homer and Margaret Putin.

“That is undeniable proof that he’s as American as you and I. And he’s a white guy, too.”

  • Karma

    Bill Maher on his last HBO show ‘Real Time’ Friday March 21 2014 took over this story ‘Putin Tops 2016 Republican Poll’ reported March 18 2014 by The Daily Currant and made it his! Mr Bill Maher should hire the writers @ The Daily Currant instead of stealing their original satirical content.