Sport

German Football Player Outed as CIA Spy

Jul 12, 2014

493881897A player on Germany’s national football team in the World Cup has been outed as an American CIA agent in another major spy scandal.

German government officials said the American-born spy, who spoke fluent German and played as a backup winger under the name Dieter Kettenräder, first aroused suspicions when he accidentally referred to David Hasselhoff as a “television actor from the ‘80s” and not as a pop singer, as he’s best known in Germany.

Officials then discovered the spy had bugged the phones of his coaches and teammates, and tried to convince several of them to defect to Major League Soccer. Afterward, they caught the spy trying to leak the German team’s secret plays to a CIA contact in Las Vegas while also placing a $50,000 bet on Sunday’s Germany-Argentina game.

German intelligence authorities have kicked the spy off the team, confiscated his forged German passport, and held him in a Brazilian jail for one day, which they deem “suitable punishment.”

Schadenfraud

The revelation of U.S. spying on Germany’s national football team comes after two American spies were uncovered in Germany’s intelligence agency and defense department.

The German government is livid over the scandals, due to the unprecedented extent of the operations and East Germany’s history of state surveillance. News of yet another spy infiltration into Germany, a key ally, will likely cause greater strain on relations between both countries.

Wilhelm Klink, chairman of Germany’s association football league, admitted on German television today that there were early signs that Kettenräder might not be as patriotic as his fellow teammates.

“We began to suspect he might not be a real German because he could never say our name, die National Mannschaft, without smiling or laughing,” Klink said. “First, Germans don’t smile or laugh at anything, so that was strange. Second, what is so funny about the name National Mannschaft? Why do Americans always laugh at mein Mannschaft?”

Several teammates told German television that the spy also slipped up when he refused to celebrate their 7-1 victory over Brazil with a round of Belgian beers, as he was still upset over the United States’ loss to Belgium and elimination from the World Cup.

“He kept asking for Pabst Blue Ribbon or Miller Lite, which no German would ever drink,” striker Karl-Heinz Shalke said. “After we tied (U.S. rival) Ghana 2-2, he kept bragging: ‘We beat them, why couldn’t you?’ ”

In response to the scandal, Secretary of State John Kerry said he has asked German-born U.S. soccer Coach Jürgen Klinsmann to leave the country immediately.

“The Americans in good faith allowed a German to coach our team at the World Cup and look what happened: we lost, while Germany could win it all,” Kerry said. “Who is Klinsmann really working for? If anything, the United States is the victim in this.”

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