Media

Sarah Palin: ‘Don’t Forget Your Umbrella’ During Solar Storm

Sep 12, 2014

palinumbrellaSarah Palin reminded a national television audience this morning to use their umbrellas during today's solar storm.

The former Alaskan governor appeared on Fox and Friends to promote her new children's book on how the liberal media is destroying America.  Midway though the interview, anchor Brian Kilmeade took a minute to update the audience on a breaking news story.

"And we just want to remind our viewers about another top story: the solar storm of 2014," he declared. "Scientists say two coronal mass ejections could hit Earth within the next 24 hours, possibly disrupting electronic communication in the Northern Hemisphere.

"Solar storms can be very dangerous. In 1989 a powerful one took out the entire power grid in Quebec. This one is expected to be less severe, however."

"That's right America," Palin chimed in, "don't forget your umbrellas. This is gonna be a big one."

The two stunned hosts sat in stunned silence for several seconds, pondering weather or not to inform Palin of her mistake. Before they could decide, however, Palin reiterated her advice.

"I remember I forgot my umbrella during a campaign event in Florida once," she continued. "It was so embarrassing. There's nothing like showing up to a room full of people just dripping wet with rain."

Solar storms are geomagnetic disturbances caused by solar flares or corneal mass ejections. They occasionally pass sufficiently close to Earth to affect electromagnetic devices here on Earth.

It has been theorized that a sufficiently powerful solar storm could cripple industrial civilization through its electromagnetic effects. Solar storms do not, however, affect terrestrial weather patterns and certainly do not cause rain showers.

Sarah Palin was the Republican Party's vice presidential nominee in 2008. She also served as governor of Alaska from 2006 to her resignation in 2009.

Since leaving politics she has published several books and appeared in numerous reality television shows. She recently launched her own internet television outlet, the Sarah Palin Channel.

Like Us On Facebook
  • sudon’t

    People use umbrellas for Sun protection, too. Sarah is smarter than you think, so there.

  • Sandler Ernst

    What if we assumed that she knew that umbrellas protected against the sun but didn’t make the distinction that they wouldn’t protect oneself against stronger rays released from a solar storm?

  • Sindi Linette

    You realize this is a satire site (sat·ire
    ˈsaˌtīr/
    noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.) and this never happened. But by all means defend her intellect, what little there is of it.

  • ORAXX

    Funny, but it’s almost impossible to satirize someone as stupid as Palin. I have no trouble actually believing she would say something like this.

  • sudon’t

    You’re making a lot of assumptions.

  • sudon’t

    I would say it’s working.

  • Evan McKay

    An umbrella won’t be helpful in the case of a solar storm ever. Protection from the Sun’s ultra violet radiation has nothing to do with CME’s, in fact they don’t effect radiation levels within Earth’s atmosphere at all.

  • sudon’t

    Duh! Umbrellas shield one from cosmic rays by creating changes in the microscopic inhomogeneity of energy absorption. Sarah, who lives in Alaska where they deal with interplanetary CME more often, is obviously aware of this, (unlike you).

  • Evan McKay

    Cosmic rays get absorbed by our atmosphere…