Politics

Kansas Governor To Expel All Poor People from State

Nov 05, 2014

John McCain Accepts The Republican Party NominationKansas Gov. Sam Brownback has pledged to make his unpopular conservative economic policies succeed – by forcibly expelling all poor and lower middle-class people from the state.

Despite hurting Kansas’ economy with his deep tax cuts for the rich and budget cuts on education and social services, Brownback survived a tough reelection challenge in the reliably conservative state from Democrat Paul Davis, who had the backing of state Republicans opposed to Brownback’s policies. In his second term, Brownback, a darling of the Christian right, pledged to continue his agenda.

“Throughout this election, the mainstream media claimed my economic and social policies have turned this great state of Kansas into a red state nightmare,” he told supporters at a rally in Topeka. “And I admit, when you look at the numbers and when you talk to average people who live here, they weren’t exactly wrong.

“However, your support for my reelection has only convinced me that I’m on the right track and just need to work twice as hard this term to ensure my policies turn Kansas into a conservative model for the rest of the country. I believe, by the grace of God, I can do this simply by getting rid of all these ungrateful poor people who would rather keep moaning about their public schools and their libraries and their poverty instead of earning more money.”

Brownback told his stunned audience that his next action as governor will be to sign an executive decree expelling all Kansans who fail to meet strict income standards.

“The success of these policies depends on the rich keeping more of their money. So unless you earn at least $100,000 a year, then you’d better start packing your bags,” he said. “I’m sure those liberal blue state hippies in Colorado, Missouri and Iowa will be happy to take you in. Plenty of welfare to go around there.”

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  • sudon’t

    Sure it’s unpopular - with lazy poor people. Soon you’ll see job creators flock to Kansas, where we’ll trade for each other’s valuable skills with gold. It’ll be a paradise where no one pays taxes, (because: gold), and you sink or swim on your own talents. It’s a shame there are no mountains to hide in, but we’ll just have to defend the borders. Maybe build a wall? Of course, we’ll have to rely on volunteers from among us to do that, and many other things - we certainly don’t need poor people to be police, or to build walls or castles, or anything else for that matter. We wealthy are entirely self-sufficient!