A Fox News pundit suffered a brain aneurysm while trying to argue both sides of the classic conservative conundrum regarding Thanksgiving/Black Friday: family or business.
Making her Fox News debut on “The Five,” Dionne Davenport – Republican strategist and former Ms. California pageant winner – broke down as the panel debated the controversial Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when stores mark the beginning of the Christmas shopping season by opening early Friday or on Thanksgiving day and offer major discounts.
“I think it’s disgraceful that these large corporations force their employees to work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday when they should be at home enjoying quality time with their families,” argued pundit Bob Beckel. “Let the Chinamen, the Japs, the Dagos and the Pakis work. Americans should have the day off.”
“I agree with Bob,” Dionne Davenport said. “The American family is the cornerstone of our society. Americans are the hardest working people in the world, and it’s offensive to think they can’t enjoy Thanksgiving without having to worry about going into work that night or early the next day and dealing with mobs of customers.”
“I feel like I’m in Soviet Russia listening to this talk,” host Greg Gutfeld retorted. “The unemployment rate under President Obama is 75 percent, and these employees are whining and complaining they have to work on a weekday? If Walmart or Target or Best Buy tells their employees to work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, they should do it and be thankful.”
“You’re absolutely right, Greg,” Davenport said. “It frustrates me that our culture rewards the lazy and selfish who look for any excuse not to work. What happened to people like my parents who worked 365 days a year, especially on holidays, and never complained about it? If your boss asks you to work on Thanksgiving, just do it and be happy.”
“I’m confused, Dionne,” Kimberly Guilfoyle responded. “You said you agreed with Bob that families should be together on the holidays, yet then you agreed with Greg that they should be at work. Which is it?”
“I believe there is a war on the family in this country,” Davenport said, “and Black Friday epitomizes this. Thanksgiving is time for family, and these hard-working people don’t need the extra stress of dealing with mobs of shoppers desperate for new video games or 100-inch televisions. Let them be home with their families.”
“But you agree with us that retailers should make their employees work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday?” Dana Perino asked.
“Absolutely!” Davenport said as foam began to pour from her mouth. “These selfish employees should stop whining about not being with their families.”
“I’m still confused…” Guilfoyle began.
“Goddamn it Kimberly, it’s f*****g simple,” Davenport sputtered. “Family is the cornerstone of American society, the foundation of thriving communities, and they should be respected. Businesses are also the cornerstone of American society… the foundation of thriving communities… job creators…
“So when… when I hear... people complain... about working because they cannot be with their family, the cornerstone of America, I… I…”
Davenport then vomited and collapsed, prompting a sudden commercial break. She was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital and treated for a brain aneurysm.
Fox News announced that “The Five” will return in January after the Christmas holiday.
