Johnny Manziel Quits Football to Focus On Hollywood Career

Dec 16, 2014


Two days after a home loss shutout for the first time in his football career, Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel has chosen his new path of glitz and glamour in Hollywood.

“I can’t make enough money in football,” Manziel told a room of reporters before leaving the Cleveland Browns training facility Tuesday morning. “I’m going to Hollyhooood!.”

Following the brutal loss to big rival Cincinnati Bengals 30-0, Manziel called this his “worst game ever, ever-ever,ever.” The 22-year-old prodigy football player contemplated for a day and determined his days of the gridiron are over.

“My agent said I killed it in that Snickers commercial. There’s no reason I can’t play a superhero. I could play Spiderman,” said Manziel. “Imagine me flying web to building,  web to building across New York City? Cause I sure can.”

Manziel is scheduled to meet with Sony pictures Thursday this week in Los Angeles, said his agent Scott Stein. “He’d be the first Heisman winner to play Spider Man. That’s instant star and box office smash hit.”

Variety reporter Eddie Valiant asked how Manziel would be able to get out of his football contract.  Stein replied, “Those NFL contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. We have a whole building of lawyers in Beverly Hills ripping it to shreds as we speak.”

Manziel’s publicist camp has done an excellent job promoting his brand since his college days at Texas A&M and it is now a well-known identity across American households. “It’s no longer ‘Jonny Football,’ it’s ‘Johnny Hollywood,’ said his manager Matt Goldberg.

Manziel is excited for the Hollywood lifestyle without consequences.. “There are so many rules playing in the National Football League. In Hollywood I can party all night and not have some guy yelling at me in the morning, I’ll have a car pick me up at noon for a lunch meeting.”

He noted the quality of life being a major factor to sweet careers after his first NFL start.

“Why do I want some fat, drunk, stupid guy from Cleveland yelling at me when I could be swimming in an infinity pool with a dozen super models? And you know Vegas is only a forty minute flight from LA?”

Manziels short time in Cleveland had left a sour taste in his mouth. “When it comes down to living in Cleveland or Los Angeles, the decision in easy. Hollywood all the way, baby!

‘Cleveland doesn’t rock, Cleveland sucks.”

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