Scientists are stumped after new images show a massive pile of human garbage on Pluto.
“How the Hell did McDonald’s bags and Snicker candy bar wrappers make its way to Pluto?” asked space scientist Todd Hammel, at a press conference today at NASA headquarters.
“I’ve heard of space trash orbiting our planet but now we find out we have been littering Pluto too? I’m shocked.”
The garbage dump is roughly twice the size of Manhattan and contained an assortment of trash, everything from the original iPod to Chicago Bears Jay Cutler jerseys. “Pretty much anything someone would throw away,” said Hammel.
Waste disposal is a huge problem on Earth, where landfills are bursting and trash from the developed world gets dumped in poorer areas for a very cheap cost. Humanity’s impact has reached every corner of the planet, with even the massive Pacific Ocean filled with plastic debris.
Few expected our waste to be found at the far reaches of the solar system, but given our voracious appetite for consumer goods today’s discovery perhaps shouldn’t be as surprising as it first seems.
“If we are finding Doritos bags on Pluto, imagine how much other junk is floating even farther into space? When aliens do find our remains, I hope they enjoy leftover Burger King Chicken Fries,” said another scientist close ot the discovery. “What a legacy.”
Pluto, The New New Jersey
Several non-profit environmental groups are preparing to devise a way to clean up Pluto and multiple Kickstarter campaigns have been created to help raise money.
A California inventor by the name of John Wilson has an idea of a large vacuum cleaner where the extension hose would reach Pluto and suck the trash back to earth. The 20 year project would cost near $20 trillion.
“The vacuum would look very cool,” said Wilson. “And it would definitely break the Guinness Book of World Records for things that suck.”
