Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was taken hostage last night after travelling to Iran on a cultural exchange mission.
According to local reports, militants loyal to the ruling Ayatollahs stormed her hotel after she made insulting comments about the country on national television. She is currently being held at an undisclosed location and the militants have demanded an apology from the U.S. government before considering her release.
Bachmann was in the country to "open up a dialogue" with its people following a similar trip to Egypt last week. The centerpiece of her diplomatic expedition was a live broadcast on national television, but that quickly went sour as her condescending tone and promotion of Christianity caused an uproar in the conservative Islamic nation.
"This is called a fork," she explained while holding up a fork. "We use this to eat food so it doesn't get on our hands. Forks are sanitary and help us avoid disease. Sanitation is one of the many benefits of adopting Western culture.
"This is called a telephone," she continued. "Telephones allow us to talk to people who are hundreds of miles away. In the West we have all kinds of amazing technology that might seem like magic to you, but is in fact the result of hard work and capitalism.
"And this is called a Bible. Bibles let us know that Jesus Christ is the one true Lord and give us practical advice on how to walk in his path. In many ways the Bible is similar to the Koran. The primary difference is that unlike the Koran, everything in the Bible actually happened."
Tehran Tea Party
Shortly after the broadcast, crowds descended into the streets of Tehran demanding Bachmann's immediate arrest. Within an hour militants had located her hotel and taken her and two aides captive.
The situation comes at a delicate time for Washington, as it threatens to impede diplomatic progress towards resolving the looming crisis of Iran's nuclear ambitions. In a hastily arranged press conference this morning, the White House vowed not to let Bachmann's latest adventure interfere with the goal improving relations with Tehran
"President Obama is seriously considering the option of asking Iran to return Congresswoman Bachmann," said White House spokesman Jay Carney this morning. "But so far no decisions have been made. Frankly I think that it might be better to let Iran deal with her for awhile. All options are on the table."
Bachmann has represented Minnesota's 6th congressional district in the U.S. House of Representatives since 2007. No stranger to controversy, the Tea Party darling once called for banning falafel in school lunches for fear it may lead children into Islamic extremism.
