Santorum Producing Straight Remake of ‘Brokeback Mountain’

Dec 04, 2013

Snapz-Pro-XScreenSnapz313Former Senator Rick Santorum announced today that he is producing a remake of Brokeback Mountain in which the central characters are not gay.

In an interview on Fox News this morning, the conservative Catholic said his film company has purchased a "pro-family, pro-Christian" rewrite of the script and are looking to start production in April of next year.

Santorum has been CEO of faith-based Echolight Studios since June of this year. The company's first production, The Christmas Candle, was a critical and box office failure, but the former Pennsylvania senator and presidential candidate is more hopeful for the company's next project.

"This is gonna be a blockbuster," he told Fox and Friends. "I accidentally saw the original Brokeback Mountain in theaters because I heard it was a good cowboy story. And you know what? I kinda liked it. If it weren't for all that gay stuff, it would have been a great movie.

"After the failure of our first film, we realized that rather than creating movies from scratch, we should take successful moves and remove the sin. In our version when the Jake Gyllenhaal character is a woman who tempts her cowboy partner into straying from his wife.

"The two have an passionate love affair. But after some intensive Bible study the man decides to remove the temptation from his life. So he has his mistress locked up in a mental institution for hysteria and returns to his family. It's a great Christian love story."

Mounting Mogul

Santorum's remake -- tentatively entitled Temptation Mountain -- is slated for a summer 2015 release, and won't be the last major motion picture remade for Christian audiences.

Echolight is also in the early stages of producing straight versions of Milk, Dog Day Afternoon, Boys Don't Cry, I Love You Philip Morris and the French sensation Blue is the Warmest Color. 

"We're also pitching television," Santorum explained. "Why can't we have a Catholic Eye for the Straight Guy? Or a primetime drama called The S Word? Or a show about high-school glee clubs without the weird little queer?"

Christian groups celebrated Santorum's announcement, saying that it will introduce choice into the marketplace. However, Annie Proulx, author of the short story on which the original Brokeback Mountain was based, is unimpressed with his plans.

"Rick Santorum can't erase the gay thoughts in his head, so he's going to erase them in my movie instead," she says.

  • Marsha Rupe

    Santorum is an Exodus graduate.

  • Saraw76

    I was just wondering, how is having an affair a christian thing? I don’t get it.

  • marbl

    Old Frothy rolls on.

  • Anonymous

    So the Christian guy who has an affair has his mistress locked up instead of taking any guilt or blame on himself???? Because it’s ALWAYS the woman’s fault, right?

  • Hate Monger

    Never heard about the 12 apostles? And why do you think Judas hung himself, eh?

  • JBcowboy

    Brokeback Mountain is already done the right way, what’s next? The wizard of OZ with no witches? Catholics are the worst of all religions, popes bought their way into power, 3 Medici, 2 Borges’s. If the family had money they became priest, then to cardinals, the church had the final say in all matters including business & trade. Protecting pedophiles for centuries, and they want to dictate how non-Catholics should live!! If you have no creative talent, stay out of the movie business. What an A*S!

  • Hoosier Lad

    Hey! Hey! Why does it seem that ‘Ricky Sanitorium’ has finally seen
    ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and figured out that it wasn’t about a Rodeo Star and his…. horse? Doesn’t mind ministers his seed around the female members of this ‘so-called church?’

  • Hoosier Lad

    Y’all remember the TV series, ‘SOAP?’ And the character taken aboard a alien UFO craft for some sexual examining? That was ‘Ricky’ in those “lost years!”

  • SantorumWatch

    He “accidently” saw Brokeback Mtn; I’m LMAO!!!!!! How about this part: “After some intensive Bible study…” Santorum is delusional, at best.