Ferguson Police Behead American Journalist

Aug 20, 2014

Screen-Shot-2014-08-15-at-4.01.27-PM-1280x730Police in Ferguson, Missouri beheaded an American journalist today.

According to multiple reports, Edward Baxter was working on a story inside a local McDonald's when police approached and asked him to hand over his laptop.

When the longtime CNN Headline News reporter refused, officers took him into the bathroom and beheaded him with a hunting knife.

Video of the incident was later posted on YouTube, along with a warning to other journalists not to interfere with police activities in the area.

“Let this serve as a message to MSNBC, Fox News, the New York Times, the Huffington Post and other national news outlets,” exclaims an officer in the video, with Baxter’s severed head in one hand.

“Ever since this crisis started the media has unfairly portrayed us as violent monsters. And freedom of the press? That’s fine. If you want to sit in your studio in New York or Washington D.C. and slander our reputations, go ahead.

“But when you come into our town, you play by our rules. We are the Ferguson police. And we are the law.”

Love Is All Around

The brutal beheading is only the latest in a series of attacks on journalists by police forces in Ferguson, Missouri against journalists in town to cover the death of teenager Mike Brown.

On Aug. 9 Brown was shot six times by a Ferguson police officer in what many see as an excessive use of force against the unarmed black teenager. Protests by the city's outraged population have paralyzed the town in the days since.

The crisis has brought national media attention to this hitherto obscure suburb of St. Louis. But the throngs of journalists have not been well received. Many have been wrongfully arrested or assaulted by local police.

Today’s stunning events come just one day after the radical Islamic group IS beheaded an American journalist in Iraq.

Although a few fringe groups have raised concerns about the extrajudicial beheadings of journalists in the United States by law enforcement, in a statement today Ferguson’s police chief defended the practice.

“This is standard procedure here in Ferguson when a member of the media disobeys our orders,” he explained. “If this clown knew what was good for him, he would have simply handed over his laptop. His blood is on his own hands.”

Baxter is survived by his wife, Georgette, and their seven children. His dismembered body will be flown back to his native Minnesota for burial tomorrow.

  • Michael Varian Daly

    Allah Ak…um, I mean, Praise Jesus!

  • sudon’t

    This is how we deal with the Liberal Media in the REAL Amarica! Go back to New York, Obamaphiles, or suffer the same fate!!! We thank Jesus for giving these fine police officers the courage to act against King Obama, his minions, and his people! Now, let’s all “lock and load” and get out there and help the police do there job!!!!

  • Howard J. Barnett

    Apologist for the cops, are we? Jesus doesn’t exist, cops aren’t heroes for doing their damn job, and if you want to be taken seriously, grammar and spelling are important. Fail on all counts.

  • jaun sanchez

    Well I knew those cops were not all bad like that fokin Al Sharpton keeps saying !

  • jaun sanchez

    Praise Allah brother !

  • Jessica Pennell

    Pretty sure - especially with a name like “sudon’t” (sudo the name of a unix command) he was being ironicalizationalistastic.

    Also: that is not a real word.

  • Howard J. Barnett

    In that case, apologies. Ironicalizationalistastic would be a real word if I ran the world.

  • C64

    The police are fine, but you’re still an idiot.

  • sandeep laik

    Please tell me this is a joke…

  • millionario

    Uhm, this is satire:
    satire
    ˈsatʌɪə/
    noun
    the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

  • Roman Monaghan

    you say, in response to satire

  • Dzey

    WTF??

  • Icarus

    lol, very funny

  • lydiarosephilpot

    I don’t even think this is funny. A man has really been beheaded by evil and you make a joke of it. You’re disgusting.

  • Superior_Joe

    You are stupid.

  • Cletus Jr.

    I likely have a rudimentary understanding of comedy and satire. I love great comedy, especially the quirky, and I do find ways to make people I know well laugh. Writing for a wide audience though, whether for stand-up comedy or a satirical newspaper, somewhat baffles me. I’m sure that any attempt of my own would be a supreme failure.

    I say all this to preface the fact that the mere headline of this article had me audibly chuckling, belly blubber bouncing along in slow motion. Luckily for me, reading the article only intensified the effects. My flabby abdomen became a rippling, hairy sea. I shall now wear a stupid grin for much of the day as I recall this chestnut from time to time. For this I thank you.

    Somehow, thrusting the Ferguson, MO police department into the role of ISIS was apropos and at the same time time hilarious. The shame I will feel for savouring such monstrously dark humour will not prevent me from sharing it with others, nor will the inevitable backlash I will receive. I am delightfully baffled.

  • Cletus Jr.

    Consider the butt of the joke, Lydia.

  • captaingrumpy

    It might make them follow Obummer a bit less and do what journalists are supposed to write….Truth.

  • C64

    You say, in response to satire.