Michele Bachmann today announced her intention to run for president in 2016.
In a video uploaded to her website the conservative congresswoman said that God had asked her to run in order to prevent the secular left from imposing Sharia Law on America.
The announcement comes one day after Bachmann unexpectedly said she would not seek reelection to Congress next year, leaving political observers curious about her next move.
"I recently stopped taking a medication called Zyprexa," she explained in the video. "Two days after it cleared my system, I was visited by God while eating breakfast. The holy father told me that he had great plans for me and instructed me to wind down my career in Congress and run for president.
"I feel honored that Jesus has personally chosen me to the be Republican nominee in 2016, and I am looking forward to doing his bidding in office."
Evil Chick Peas
Bachmann has been one of Congress' most controversial members since she was elected from a suburban Minnesota district in 2007.
She has become notorious for a number of controversial statements including claims that Barack Obama is anti-American, certain vaccines cause "mental retardation," and that the Founding Fathers "worked tirelessly" to eliminate slavery.
She also called for banning falafel and other "jihadi foods" in school lunches, arguing they are gateways to terrorism. These and other statements made her a polarizing figure on Capitol Hill and in her own district, where she very narrowly won reelection last year.
Undeterred by her skeptics, Bachmann says her White House bid will feature her signature policies.
"Under my leadership America will ban abortion, restore prayer in schools and eliminate hummus from supermarket shelves," she told supporters, "and unlike this administration I will never forget the plight of the small business owner who doesn't want to serve gay customers."
Blessed Links
In an exclusive interview Bachmann, who claims God appeared to her in the form of a breakfast sausage, promises not to repeat the mistakes of her failed 2012 campaign.
"In 2012 America simply wasn't ready for my revolutionary ideas," she explains. "After eight years of Obama's Islamic Socialism, Americans will welcome a conservative like me with open arms.
"And we'll be more prepared this time around too. We've hired some of Sarah Palin's top advisers to help lead our campaign."
Bachmann says that after her term expires she'll move to Iowa permanently to start her bid to win that state's first in the nation caucus, mostly likely settling in the conservative stronghold of Iowa City.
Political analysts say Bachmann faces long odds in the Republican primary, however, which is also likely to feature rising stars Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio, who all have the advantage of being conservative without being completely crazy.
