Elizabeth Warren Punches Banking Lobbyist in the Face

Jul 28, 2014

WarrenSenator Elizabeth Warren punched a banking lobbyist in the face today during a meeting at her Capitol Hill office.

According to multiple sources, the Massachusetts Democrat assaulted a Goldman Sachs lobbyist after he tried to gain her support for a bill that would weaken derivatives regulations.

“They were arguing over the role of derivatives in causing the global financial crisis,” explains an anonymous Warren staffer, “and things started to get heated. They were both standing up wagging their fingers at each other while screaming at the top of their lungs.

“And then suddenly she just popped him in the face. Out of nowhere, just one really hard jab with her fist. He collapsed to the floor and started bleeding from his nose. I mean it wasn’t a lot of blood, but there was definitely some.

“I didn’t know what to think. On the one hand I really hate banking lobbyists. But on the other hand, I’m not a big fan of violence. I was very conflicted.”

The Goldman lobbyist is reportedly recovering at George Washington University Hospital and is expected to make a full recovery.

Warren has served as U.S. senator from Massachusetts since January of last year, after defeating Republican incumbent Scott Brown. Her campaign was largely driven by her hostility to Wall Street, which has made her a rising star in the Democratic Party.

Although many liberals would like to see her challenge the more centrist Hillary Clinton in 2016, Warren has repeatedly denied rumors that she is interested in running for president.

In a statement, Warren acknowledged the incident but refused to apologize for her outburst.

“I am very passionate about defending the American consumer from these predators at Wall Street banks,” she said.

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  • sy212

    Wow, a liberal with a taste for violence and intolerance. Shocking.

  • John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmid

    It’s a parody story at at a parody site.

    Please be less stupid.

  • sy212

    Ah, ok, thanks, go fk yourself

  • sy212

    You have far too many last names for someone who is not gay.

  • John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmid

    LOL! No, you can’t blow me. Get up off your knees and stop begging.

  • Always curious

    The Daily Currant is a satirical publication. As in meant to be funny. And this article is very funny since many Americans would love to punch a bunch of people who are obstructing the progress of our nation. But Senator Warren can beat them to a pulp with words and facts quite easily.

  • Always curious

    “If you can’t answer a man’s arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.”

    Elbert Hubbard

  • gramiam44

    makes me wish it was true, not satire!

  • gramiam44

    And she is so damned good at it, too!

  • Linda

    I thought it might be a parody but I wasn’t so sure . At any rate if she were to have punched this guy I would say grat he deserved a wake up call.

  • HoosierMommy

    It’s the name of a song, not his real name.

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