casualsexobamacareA new study published today finds that casual sex has increased 83% since Obamacare took effect in January.

Writing in the prestigious Nature Harlotology researchers from Stanford University demonstrated that better access to contraception has made women much more likely to have multiple, short-term sexual partners.... Read More →

 

181243330Nazis in Argentina can’t decide who to root for in the World Cup Finals as Germany takes on their adopted homeland.

The Daily Currant’s own Gwyneth McCarthy documented the sentiment going into the World Cup Final as she traveled through Corrientes, Argentina where the production crew noticed very distinct German music coming from a small basement pub.... Read More →

 

childrenborderwallPresident Obama has ordered migrant children arriving illegally in the United States to be put to work building the border wall with Mexico.

More than 50,000 unaccompanied children from Central America have arrived at America’s southern border in the last few months hoping to emigrate permanently to the United States. Their presence has caused a humanitarian crisis and provoked anti-immigration protests in several cities.... Read More →

 

brazilfiresinterngermanyBrazilian President Dilma Rousseff has fired an intern who forgot to pay off Germany before yesterday’s World Cup semi-final.

According to a report in Brasilia’s O Camapu newspaper, Rousseff intended to send a $200 million wire transfer to certain members of the German Football Association but due to a technical error at one of Brazil’s state-owned banks, the payment was never made.... Read More →

 

2011-04-05-ice-training-using-armored-vehiclesFor the last 65 years, the Hanson family of Daleville, Alabama has celebrated America’s independence and entertained their small farming community with an elaborate fireworks display. This year did not go as planned.

Jebediah Hanson was arrested on terrorism charges after police found his annual two-ton load of explosives and, under President Obama’s extensions to the Patriot Act, declared them weapons of mass destruction.... Read More →

 

palin4thSarah Palin attracted ridicule on Twitter today for tweeting a happy birthday message to George Washington.

The former Vice-Presidential candidate was apparently confused by the meaning of today’s July 4th holiday, which celebrates America’s independence from Great Britain.... Read More →

 

John McCain Joins Sharron Angle At Get Out The Vote Rally In Las VegasArizona Sen. John McCain has called for the bombing and invasion of Belgium in retaliation for its 2-1 defeat of the United States at the World Cup.

“Belgium is a rogue state whose outrageous behavior at the World Cup was a show of aggression toward the United States, for which President Obama must respond immediately with military force,” McCain told Fox News this morning. “In fact, I believe that anything less than a swift invasion and regime change in Belgium would show weakness to our enemies.

... Read More →

 

458682625Managers at a Hobby Lobby store in Arkansas stoned to death an employee today for being gay.

According to a report in the Ozark Post-Gazette, the store’s management decided to execute Jeremy Gleason, 43, in an alley behind the store in accordance with the Biblical verse Leviticus 20:13, which commands believers to kill homosexual men.... Read More →

 

belgian1A new poll published today found a majority of Americans believe that Belgium is a beer company rather than a country.

The TDC Opinion Research survey was designed to probe American attitudes towards the small European nation, which the U.S. will face in the World Cup tournament next Tuesday.... Read More →

 

courtAn unemployed gender studies major from Eugene, Ore. sued “The Patriarchy” today in federal court for refusing to give her a job.

In a 25-page brief, attorneys for Sarah Miller-Jones, 24, argue that gender discrimination from the patriarchy has prevented their client from finding gainful employment since she graduated from university three years ago.... Read More →

 

Portland Gluten Free

Photo:Thinkstock

Authorities in Portland, Ore. have discovered detectable levels of gluten in the city’s water supply, causing a citywide panic.

The city’s water bureau discovered the contamination yesterday and is desperately trying to find out how gluten got into the water. A preliminary report found that the contamination may have occurred “at least eight or nine months ago” when a child dropped a loaf of bread into a local river.... Read More →

 

New Study Finds That U.S. Obesity Rates Continue To ClimbAccording to a new poll released today most overweight Americans believe they are more likely to be killed by a gun than die of obesity.

The survey, conducted by TDC Opinion Research, asked 10,000 severely overweight Americans about their attitudes toward gun violence in the wake of the recent USCB mass shooting.... Read More →