Don't worry America, Donald Trump has a plan to fight obesity.

During a campaign stop in North Dakota this morning, a reporter from local WNOT-TV News pressed the Republican frontrunner on his plans for fighting America's growing weight problem.... Read More →

Hillary Clinton has developed a sudden appetite for reforming America's correctional system.

Amidst speculation that she herself could face jail time over the growing email scandal engulfing her candidacy, the former Secretary of State announced today a series of "vital and urgent" proposals to improve conditions in federal women's prisons.... Read More →

The Kentucky county clerk recently jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licences ascended into heaven this morning.

According to local reports, Davis was about to begin a press conference in her hometown of Morehead when a beam of light from the sky appeared and whisked her into Paradise.... Read More →

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today a $1.25 million bounty on any player who can take out Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s knees, resulting in an injury lasting at least four weeks.

During the final press conference before the National Football League 2015 season, Goodell explained the bounty had become necessary after a federal judge overturned Brady's suspension for ‘Deflate-gate’.... Read More →

Sarah Palin claimed today that Native Americans should leave America and go back to their homeland 'Nativia'.

In an interview with Fox News this morning, the former Alaskan governor was asked about her support of Donald Trump and his controversial views on immigration.... Read More →

Many political pundits wrote off Donald Trump's presidential ambitions after he killed rival Jeb Bush's pet kitten on live television Saturday.

But a new poll released today shows that the eccentric billionaire now leads the GOP field by an even greater margin than before.... Read More →

Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.”

Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get more female supporters, Trump held an intense focus groups at the Trump Plaza where after days of tests and research, he finally was able to discover one female that does not disgust him.... Read More →

Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has finally found a new job.

At a press conference in Cleveland this morning the disgraced NFL star publicly accepted UFC champion Ronda Rousey’s challenge to a “no-rules fight” to be televised later this year on Lifetime.  ... Read More →

Jerry Thompson, an American astronaut who was in orbit this week, claims to have matched with an extraterrestrial on Tinder.

“It’s lonely out in space,” said Thompson in a recent press conference. “I miss the earth so much. I miss my wife. So yeah, sometimes I’ll go on Tinder just to see what’s out there. I always get the message ‘there’s no one new around you,’ but then I saw her.”... Read More →

God has denied ever speaking to Ted Cruz, just a day after the Republican presidential hopeful claimed he communicates with him daily.

Cruz made the boast last night, at the first Republican debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, moderated by Fox News in Cleveland.... Read More →

Planned Parenthood has defended its decision to sell aborted fetuses to fast-food giant Kentucky Fried Chicken, arguing that simply disposing of the bodies would be a “waste of protein”.

The United States Senate failed to defund Planned Parenthood this week, after a highly edited tape showed a potential client trying to purchase stem cells from aborted fetuses through their nationwide clinics.  ... Read More →

Hulk Hogan may have lost his job at the WWE, but a new poll shows the former wrestler may have a future career in politics.

Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, was caught on tape this week using racial slurs and admitting that he is racist against African-Americans.... Read More →