Researchers at Harvard University announced today that they have found what appears to be a message from God written inside the human genome.

In a little-explored section of non-coding DNA, a team of top geneticists discovered a 22-word snippet of ancient Aramaic in which God confirms his existence and his role in creating life on Earth.... Read More →

Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh was refused service at a Mexican restaurant in Florida today while attempting to eat lunch.

The owners of Pablo's Taqueria in Palm Beach Gardens say that they have a strict "no racists" policy and kindly asked Limbaugh to leave the premises when he attempted to place his order.

He initially declined to leave the restaurant, and after a brief argument was escorted out by security guards.... Read More →

Conservative commentator and author Ann Coulter refused to stay on board a Miami to New York commercial airline flight today after learning the pilot was a woman of African-American descent.

According to witness reports Coulter was concerned the experienced, decorated pilot in question may have gained her position as a result of affirmative action and wasn't fully qualified to fly.... Read More →

Faced with continued investor skepticism over its long-term business model, Facebook has quietly started testing a new way of generating additional revenue - charging money to delete old photos.

The new settings, which are currently in beta, ask users to pay $5.00 to delete any photo more than 1 year old from their own Facebook profiles, and up to $20.00 to delete photos of themselves on other people's profiles.... Read More →

Long absent from the national agenda, the issue of compensating African-Americans for their ancestors' time in servitude is poised to become a hot-button issue in President Obama's second term.

According to key White House adviser Valerie Jarrett, the Obama administration will take a 'very serious look' at the issue of reparations over the next year, and hopes to offer the nation's 40 million African Americans a large cash payout in early 2014. ... Read More →

British Prime Minister David Cameron is considering appealing to a Euroskeptic public with a plan force to non-British E.U. nationals resident in the U.K. to wear a European flag badge outside their clothing, The Daily Currant can reveal.

According to a draft document, the Conservative Party has crafted a rule decreeing that Europeans from other countries must affix a biometric passport featuring the 12-starred E.U. logo to their lapels when appearing in public places. Those who do not comply would face deportation to their home countries.... Read More →

As controversy heats up over the graphic violence and racial epithets in the spaghetti western Django Unchained, the film is having a surprising impact on an unexpected group – fashion-conscious hipsters.

Rather than join critics who decry the film's violent portrayal of slavery in the 1850s United States, hipsters have started mimicking the "authentic" fashion styles of the slaves, creating a new craze they have dubbed with the faux-French moniker Nègre Chic.... Read More →

The Obama administration reacted today to criticism over its lack of female faces in key cabinet appointments by naming a woman as the White House's chief receptionist.

In a low-key ceremony at the Rose Garden, White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew officially promoted 28-year-old Susan Michaud to the coveted position which had hitherto been dominated by men. ... Read More →

As the U.S. Senate prepares for confirmation hearings on Chuck Hagel's appointment as Secretary of Defense, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham is passionately leading the charge against his former colleague.

The differences between the two men are reportedly more personal than professional. According to former aides, Graham has had it in for the Nebraskan since a previously unreported 2005 incident where he "inappropriately propositioned" Hagel and was firmly rebuffed.... Read More →

Argentina's President Cristina Kirchner demanded this week that the British government "return" the disputed Falkland Islands to Argentina.

Today the indigenous Mapuche people of Patagonia have in turn asked Kirchner to return the entire country of Argentina back to its native population, from whom the nation was stolen 400 years ago by Spanish colonists.... Read More →

In a move to restore its battered reputation and generate much needed revenue, the Catholic Church announced plans today for a nationwide chain of for-profit daycare centers.

A new church-owned company, Good Boy Daycare Centers Inc, will establish over 300 child care facilities in all 50 U.S. states over the next two years. It aims to provide a badly-needed service to young parents while simultaneously serving as an outreach vehicle for the declining religion.... Read More →

Conservative members of the Tea Party raided House Speaker John Boehner's office over the weekend, destroying several thousand dollars worth of property and leaving behind giant bags of tea.

Capitol Hill police were at first stumped as to how the intruders gained entry, but soon came to realize that the incident had been an 'inside job' perpetrated by fellow members of Congress.... Read More →