Greece celebrated securing billions in new bailout funds yesterday by throwing an enormous $142 million public beach party outside Athens.
According to local reports an estimated 430,000 people attended the massive all-day event, which the Greek government organized to "relieve national stress" caused by protracted bailout negotiations with the EU and IMF.
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Donald Trump may be a leading critic of Mexican immigration to the United States, but new documents have revealed that the Republican presidential candidate may in fact be part Mexican.
According to a report in the Mexican newspaper La Grosella, the real estate mogul’s signature hairpiece has been custom-made in a factory outside Santa Nounlugar in the southern Oaxaca province since 1989.... Read More →
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Law enforcement authorities across the United States are struggling to contain an epidemic of bestiality days after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide.
Almost immediately after the decision was announced last Friday, throngs of psychologically normal people suddenly became attracted to animals and began to act upon their urges.... Read More →
Photo: Thinkstock
Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting.
According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.... Read More →
Rock legend Ted Nugent has accused President Obama of stealing his remote control.
The “Cat Scratch Fever’’ singer posted a video on Youtube this morning stating that his television has been stuck on ABC Family for the past two weeks, after the remote control to his cable box went missing. Nugent implicates Obama directly in the disappearance.... Read More →
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As the death count rises from this weekend’s devastating earthquake in Nepal, reports have emerged of a far bigger and more newsworthy tragedy.
According to several American journalists in the country, 34-year-old Jason Anderson - who is Justin Bieber’s fourth cousin on his mother’s side - sprained his ankle during the 7.9 magnitude quake.... Read More →
Immediately after for Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner announced to Diane Sawyer and 17 million television viewers that he is now a woman, East German Olympic officials demanded her medals be stripped and given to the runner-ups.
Jenner won the decathlon gold medal at the 1976 Montreal Summer Olympics. This accomplishment catapulted the athlete to American stardom including being the first man to grace the cover of the Wheaties cereal box.... Read More →
Chicago Bulls basketball star Derrick Rose broke his hand during the Cubs vs. Cardinals game Sunday night, the opening night for the Major League Baseball (MLB) season.
Rose is expected to miss 3-4 months from the bone fracture after attempting to catch a foul ball in the grandstand. He was immediately sent to Northwestern Memorial Hospital and received x-rays which showed several several broken bones according to CSNChicago.... Read More →
Sarah Palin appeared on Fox Sports today and openly wondered why the NAACP allows white players to participate in its college basketball tournament.
Palin made the appearance on the Mike and John show this morning to promote her new book about how the liberal media is destroying sportscasting. Attempting to make conversation, the hosts asked what has surprised her most in the ongoing March Madness championship.... Read More →
The war-torn nation of Syria has declared a national day of mourning over singer Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction.
Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad and the leaders of several opposition rebel groups appeared on state television together this morning. They read a joint statement lamenting Malik’s decision as an “unprecedented tragedy”, and urged the Syrian people to remain strong in the face of such horrors.... Read More →
Photo: Gage Skidmore
At a town hall meeting in Arlington, Texas today Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz went to extreme measures to court the Evangelical vote.
“I masturbate to the Bible every night,” he told the audience, “That’s how much I love God. And that’s how much I love America. And as an American, I’m not afraid to say it.”... Read More →
Islamic State (ISIS) leader Bin Hebdo Muhammad announced today they have acquired $15.6 billion in a Series C funding round through Haliburton VC and Academi, formerly Blackwater Corp.
“We are ecstatic about this new round of funding,” said Muhammed. “As we begin to blossom into a bigger enterprise, our partnerships with these fine companies will add tremendous value and knowledge with waging war not only physically but politically.”... Read More →
