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Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting.
According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.... Read More →
Rock legend Ted Nugent has accused President Obama of stealing his remote control.
The “Cat Scratch Fever’’ singer posted a video on Youtube this morning stating that his television has been stuck on ABC Family for the past two weeks, after the remote control to his cable box went missing. Nugent implicates Obama directly in the disappearance.... Read More →
The war-torn nation of Syria has declared a national day of mourning over singer Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction.
Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad and the leaders of several opposition rebel groups appeared on state television together this morning. They read a joint statement lamenting Malik’s decision as an “unprecedented tragedy”, and urged the Syrian people to remain strong in the face of such horrors.... Read More →
Photo: Gage Skidmore
At a town hall meeting in Arlington, Texas today Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz went to extreme measures to court the Evangelical vote.
“I masturbate to the Bible every night,” he told the audience, “That’s how much I love God. And that’s how much I love America. And as an American, I’m not afraid to say it.”... Read More →
Islamic State (ISIS) leader Bin Hebdo Muhammad announced today they have acquired $15.6 billion in a Series C funding round through Haliburton VC and Academi, formerly Blackwater Corp.
“We are ecstatic about this new round of funding,” said Muhammed. “As we begin to blossom into a bigger enterprise, our partnerships with these fine companies will add tremendous value and knowledge with waging war not only physically but politically.”... Read More →
Socialite, reality television star, and fashion mogul Kim Kardashian announced her candidacy for president in 2016 today, becoming the second official candidate to declare after Senator Ted Cruz.
The news broke when Kim tweeted this morning, “I want to contour this country like I contour my face #KimKardashianForPresident.”... Read More →
Credit: Getty Images / Spencer Platt
A college fraternity has honored comedian Bill Cosby with a lifetime achievement award.
According to multiple reports, the Kappa Shata Thata chapter at Western Tennessee State University held a three-hour long ceremony Sunday night honoring the life, work and “pro-male agenda” of the controversial comedian.... Read More →
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has contracted the measles virus during his team's Super Bowl celebration trip to Disneyland.
According to local reports, Brady started to have a slight fever and began to show dots on his arms shortly after arriving at Disneyland. The Super Bowl MVP missed the celebration to go home to his Beverly Hills mansion to sleep.... Read More →
Beginning in the fall of 2015, the state of Texas will no longer teach geography as a part of its public school curriculum.
The money saved from teaching geography will go to new initiatives to teach youngsters how to hunt and properly use firearms.... Read More →
Ted Cruz got more than he bargained for when he agreed to make public his genetic data from the popular genomics website 23 and Me.
The Texas senator had the tests done as a political stunt, hoping to burnish his science credentials ahead of the 2016 presidential race. However, the strategy backfired dramatically when the results revealed that Cruz’s DNA is 82 percent Neanderthal.... Read More →
Today the Australian government officially named Pope Francis as Australian of the Year.
According to a press release on the Ministry of Arts website, the Holy Father was personally chosen for the 2014 honor by Prime Minister Tony Abbott and has been invited to an awards ceremony in Melbourne on March 17.... Read More →
Republicans in Congress have decided to rebrand the controversial Keystone XL oil pipeline as “Freedom Juice Highway.”
The pipeline would take oil from Canadian tar sands and deliver it to multiple locations in the United States. Environmentalists are opposed the construction of such new pipelines, and Obama has vowed to veto the bill when it reaches his desk.... Read More →
