Anthony Weiner: ‘I Have A Hard-On’ For New York City

Apr 24, 2013

wienerFormer Congressman Anthony Weiner tried to put his past behind him today by colorfully making light of the scandal which removed him from office.

In an interview with WNBC's local news this morning, the potential mayoral candidate said he has moved beyond his sexting drama and the only "hard-on" he has now is for New York City.

Ostensibly in the studio to discuss his policy ideas, Weiner was asked how he hopes to recover from the devastating scandal in which he tweeted semi-nude pictures of himself to his Twitter followers.

"Congressman Weiner, I know this is a delicate subject for you," the reporter said, "but your scandal was of a very personal nature. I think all of New York City is wondering, how can you hope to bounce back from that distraction and keep you focus on New Yorkers?"

"I'm afraid I don't know exactly what you mean," Wiener responded.

"Well, specifically the photos, for example, of your ... you know your ..." the reporter sheepishly started.

"Don't be shy. Just come out and say it," Wiener interrupted. "What you saw in those pictures was my erection, my hard-on if you will.

"And yes I admit that was embarrassing. And those pictures will last forever. But I want everyone to know that I've changed my life around, and the only hard-on I have now is for the great city of New York."

Hard Choices

Wiener explained that he had completed an intensive 12-week rehabilitation program for sex addiction and has come out feeling like a new man.

"I don't think about sex anymore," he explained. "Whenever a naughty image enters my mind, I take three deep breaths and imagine one way to improve New York City's transportation infrastructure.

"So now breasts make me think of upgrading our CNG bus fleet, strippers make me think of adding more uniformed police officers to our subway lines, and strap-on dildos make me want to extend the N train to LaGuardia.

"It's gotten to the point now where I get hard just touching my MetroCard.

"I've also installed software on my computer that automatically cuts off any social media conversation that gets a little too sexy and redirects me to a pdf copy of my plan to make New York the capital of the middle class again."

Anthony Weiner represented New York's 9th congressional district in the House of Representatives from 1999 to 2011. He resigned after tweeting a picture of his dick to his Twitter followers.

  • OMFG

    Where are all the deranged libs now that one of their people, instead of Sarah Palin, is the subject of SATIRE (as if they wouldn’t find more all over this site)? bwahahahahhaha


    Hmmm. I wonder. Could it be all the “Deranged Libruls” actually can tell the difference between Satire and Reality? —-That is unlike some of the comments on articles related to George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Donald Trump that I have seen on this site from some of their supporters.