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Effective this year, a bill sponsored by conservative, pro-life women’s advocacy group Give Motherhood A Chance has now made it illegal for men to masturbate without the notarized permission of their sexual partners.
Since State Rep. Rick Brattin’s attempt to require pregnant women seeking abortions to receive notarized consent from the baby’s father, Missouri lawmakers had entered a heated lobby to cement the state’s stance on reproductive rights. ... Read More →
The Republican House and Senate passed a bill today that would line the Mexican-American border with over 1.2 million PMZ-40 landmines.
The bill, officially named the Patriotic American Protection Act (PAPA), will place three landmines every 10 feet across the entire 1,989-mile Mexican-American border.... Read More →
Pop-rap artist Iggy Azalea opened a restaurant in Miami yesterday specializing in fried chicken and soul food.
The restaurant, dubbed “Iggy’s Chicken N' Waffles”, offers a variety of African-American inspired delicacies such as fried chicken, waffles, catfish, black eyed peas, collard greens, and cornbread.... Read More →
President Obama surprised Congress today when he attended the 114th Congressional swearing-in ceremony wearing an “I Can’t Breathe” T-shirt.
Republican elected officials looked “stunned” as the president entered congressional chambers. Reporters said the Republican congressmen looked breathless and “whiter than usual.”... Read More →
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has had his car towed 150 times the last few days and racked up record towing and storage fees, possibly stemming from his rift with the New York Police Department.
According to NYPD records, police have towed de Blasio’s Chevrolet Tahoe SUV for violating various city parking laws, ranging from “not displaying driving goggles on the dashboard” and “leaving the car’s rear tires too far from the parking block” to “parking within 0.0015 nautical miles of a fire hydrant” and “parking a Chevy in Queens on a Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and/or weekend.”... Read More →
Congress is in panic today after discovering that new and re-elected Congressmen accidentally took their oath of office on a Quran instead of a Bible during swearing-in ceremonies on Capitol Hill.
The embarrassing mix-up was revealed to the new and reelected members of the House and Senate as they convened for the new session. Vice President Joe Biden was speaking with House Speaker John Boehner when he opened up the book and reportedly asked why the inside text was written in “funny lines, dots and squiggles.”... Read More →
Political pundit and radio host Rush Limbaugh has been cast to play the James Bond villain in Sony’s 24th installment of the venerable spy franchise, Spectre.... Read More →
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The Detroit Lions were defeated today by NFL Referees in a nail-biting 24-20 game at ATT Stadium in Dallas.
Quarterback Matthew Stafford threw for over 300 yards against the five-man crew, but came up short in the fourth quarter when a blown pass interference call turned the momentum of the game.... Read More →
The National Football League (NFL) was rocked today by the puzzling trade of Chicago Bears’ quarterback Jay Cutler for the Washington Redskins’ Robert Griffin III.
Bears owner Virginia McCaskey facilitated the bizarre swap, which is designed to give both teams a successful franchise quarterback by moving mediocre players to new cities.
... Read More →
Saudi Arabia’s annual film festival has awarded their prestigious Palme d’Oil award to the American sexual thriller Fifty Shades Of Gray.
New Saudi King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud hosted the event, and handed out human-sized gold statues to a variety of winners for several categories. He accepted the festival’s highest honor on behalf of the film producers, who declined to attend.... Read More →
