Tech

Apple Announces iLens, The ‘Smart Contact Lenses’

Dec 18, 2014

ilensApple just announced the launch of the iLens, a smart contact lens that works like the Google Glass but “better” according to James Milton, an Apple rep.

The iLens costs $299 for 64GB and $499 for 124GB, and Apple hopes it will compliment the iWatch and iPhone.

The iLens comes with a clear earpiece and is activated by a series of the user’s blinks.

“Sure, you may look like you’re having a stroke when you wear an iLens, but still look less dorky than wearing Google Glass,” said the designer, Parker Johnson.

“It’s applied just like a contact lens, so a licensed optometrist will have to fit users for the iLens. Eventually Genius Bar  employees will be trained in optometry. That is if you can get an appointment,” explained Milton.

The iLens works just like an iPhone. You can see the time, make calls, send and receive texts, e-mails, even scroll through Instagram.

“Cellphones have become a huge social faux pas. Nothing is ruder than the glow of an iPhone at a restaurant. That’s why iLens is so great. You can be playing Candy Crush or watching football and no one will ever notice. They may just think you have a tic.” explained Parker. “However, if the ticking becomes involuntary, consult a physician immediately.”

A new series of apps specifically designed for the iLens will be released too.

“Have you ever wanted to know what it would be like to sleep  with Kate Upton or Ryan Gosling is like? With the new iFantasy app for only $19.99 a month, iLens will change your partner’s body and face to look like any celebrity you desire, without letting your partner know. Just make sure you scream out the right name,” gushed Milton.

“The best part about the iLens may be the camera. Ever wish you could've capture a photo, but didn't have time to fiddle with your phone? The iLens captures everything automatically, so you’ll never miss an Instagram, even selfies. All you have to is look into a mirror and wink,” said Milton.

Once in, the iLens is always recording and automatically uploading to iCloud, where users can pick which pictures and videos they’d like to post to social media. But is the government watching? The iCloud leak caused chaos earlier this year, and those were pictures people knew they were taking. What if there was an iLens iCloud  leak? Allegedly the iLens will be beefing up security to be 98 percent effective.

When asked this question, Milton responded with, “Have you listened to the podcast Serial yet? That’s a podcast. iLens also streams podcasts!”

The iLens will be released May 2015 with the iLens Air model late 2015.

  • The Archmage of the Aether

    I have a prototype, actually. In fact, i’m typing this from my iLens right now 😉

    [… 😉 is the new symbol for iLens]

  • greetbigball

    whomever wrote this has no idea of how a 128 gb memory works. let’s just say i’m not looking forward to sticking that into my eye

  • observabletruths

    Is this for real? I mean I always imagined that one day we would have this technology, I just didn’t think it came that far yet.

  • http://loudfind.com Loudfind - Rahul Poonia

    These days, i see these extreme gadgets with whole new level of expectations from tech world..

    i found one more yesterday here - http://loudfind.com/turn-your-arm-into-a-touchscreen-with-smart-bracelet/7486/

  • Daan

    To those who seem to believe this, that just means its done its job as satire.

  • http://www.lomasrankiao.com/ LOMASRANKIAO

    FAKE

  • http://Aurmont.com/ Alan Aurmont

    124GB LOLOLOL Did a woman write this? LOL

  • sudon’t

    They didn’t say it was memory. Anyone who knows how computers work should realize they’re talking about storage. And don’t worry - if Apple made it, it will be ergonomic and comfortable. You will be buying one.

  • Serave

    I’m a college student studying Information Technology and honestly, I’m offended by your comment. Just because its supposed to be 128 instead of 124, doesn’t mean that it was a woman who wrote this. It just goes to show what you think of women’s intelligence and how little respect you give to them.

  • dave

    Do you idiots ever research what you are reading??
    The Daily Currant — a satire site that does well to mask the fact that it is satire —

    Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-daily-currant-satire-breitbart-drudge-2013-5#ixzz3Md6kuIHs

  • http://Aurmont.com/ Alan Aurmont

    I apologize.

  • dreadlockjesus

    who gives a fuck if you apologize. did you learn?

  • http://churchofeuthanasia.org/ HypGnotist

    LOL — too funny!

  • http://churchofeuthanasia.org/ HypGnotist

    Did you learn?