Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.

Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.... Read More →

Sarah Palin has sent her condolences to “Braveheart” actor Mel Gibson in response to the defeat in the vote on Scotland’s independence.

In a letter addressed to Gibson, which was also posted on her Facebook page, Palin congratulated Gibson on his brave attempt to lead Scotland to independence.... Read More →

The City of San Francisco banned straight marriage today on the grounds that heterosexual behavior is unnatural and a threat to same-sex relationships.

In a close vote the city’s Board of Supervisors passed a resolution this morning barring opposite sex couples in the city from marrying one another effective immediately. All existing unions between one man and one woman will also be nullified.... Read More →

India celebrated the installation of the country’s 100th toilet today.

In a posh ceremony outside Mumbai this afternoon, Prime Minister Narendra Modi unveiled a state-of-the-art dual-gender outhouse, which will serve a crowded government office building on the outskirts of the city.... Read More →

The National Park Service announced plans today for a new visitors’ center at the Washington Monument.

In a press conference this morning, officials unveiled the final design for the long-delayed project. The new addition -- in the shape of two large spheres attached to the monument's base -- hopes to increase revenue generation from the historic site.... Read More →

Georgia has become the first state in the union to legalize handgun vending machines.

In a ceremony today in Atlanta, Gov. Nathan Deal signed the Firearms Freedom and Accessibility Act (FFAA), which allows the sale of handguns in automated machines that accept cash, credit and debit cards.... Read More →

Police in Ferguson, Missouri beheaded an American journalist today.

According to multiple reports, Edward Baxter was working on a story inside a local McDonald's when police approached and asked him to hand over his laptop.... Read More →

Russia has seen a massive drop in obesity rates and related diseases since it banned food imports from the United States and Europe.

Moscow has halted imports of sodas, candy, junk food and other processed food from the West in retaliation for economic sanctions on its oil and banking sectors.... Read More →

Local authorities in California are handing out massive fines to anyone participating in the "ALS Ice Bucket Challenge" fundraiser on the grounds they are wasting water.

In Los Angeles, which is living through its worst drought in generations, the Department of Water & Power and the Police Department have long been cracking down on unnecessary water usage.... Read More →

Ann Coulter suggested today that America should infect migrant children with ebola in order to discourage illegal immigration.

In an interview this morning on Fox News, the controversial conservative commentator was asked how she would handle the growing humanitarian crisis caused by the arrival of thousands of unaccompanied children from Central America.... Read More →

The largest oil field in the world was discovered yesterday just 30 kilometers off Scotland’s coast.

As many Scots reeled from the defeat of their push for independence, the British government announced that the massive oil field has the potential to produce up to 15 million barrels a day, if not more, generating trillions of dollars annually for decades.... Read More →

A group of radical atheists claimed responsibility for a suicide bombing in Iraq today.

This morning the normally peaceful southern town of Al-Lamkan was rocked by a powerful explosion in a crowded fruit market that killed 29 people and injured over 50.... Read More →