Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu slammed the American electorate today, calling them 'ignorant' and 'intellectually challenged' for re-electing Barack Obama to the presidency.

The conservative politician from Israel's Likud party made the comments during a live interview with Australia's ABC News.

Ostensibly on the network to discuss Israeli-Australian relations, the conversation soon turned to the day's big news - Obama's reelection to a new 4-year term.... Read More →

Liberal Hollywood celebrities are celebrating Obama's reelection tonight with a 300 person orgy at George Clooney's house, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Godless elites of entertainment such as Sean Penn, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Warren Beatty are joyously ringing in four more years with a debaucherous sexual free-for-all expected to last well into tomorrow afternoon.... Read More →

The wife of Tagg Romney has reportedly refused to give the eldest son of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney a blowjob following his father's loss in tonight's election.

After watching his father's concession speech, Tagg retreated to his bedroom and asked his wife to console him:

"I was just feeling a little low," Tagg explains "I thought maybe a nice little blumpkin would pick me up. So I asked her very politely. I said 'Honey, I really need this' "... Read More →

Newly reelected U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden has reportedly drunk dialed rival Paul Ryan's wife after ingesting too much celebratory champagne.

After three bottles of bubbly and two keg-stands, the 69-year-old Biden started dialing random numbers from his iPhone.

A reporter at the Democratic HQ celebration party captured the Janna Ryan portion of the incident on tape, and has provided The Daily Currant with the exclusive transcript:... Read More →

Conservative internet commentator Glenn Beck has called Obama's reelection "the first step" towards total Islamic law in the United States.

On his live election broadcast tonight Beck proclaimed election night 2012 "the day Sharia arrived in America".

Barack Obama was raised in an agnostic household, and professes to be a Christian as an adult. However, his grandfather, Hussein Onyango Obama, was a practicing Muslim in Kenya.... Read More →

The Reverend Al Sharpton has been turned away from the polls today for failing to produce a photo ID.

The 58 year old civil rights activist and MSNBC host was blocked from casting his ballot by an incompetent volunteer poll worker, who mistakenly believed New York required identification to vote.... Read More →

Former U.S. president George W. Bush accidentally voted for Barack Obama today at a polling place near his Crawford, TX home.

According to local reports, the two-term Republican was confused by the instructions on his electronic voting machine and mistakenly cast a ballot he intended to discard.

Witnesses say Bush argued with poll workers for several minutes afterwards in a effort to redo his vote, but in accordance with state law they ultimately denied his request.

... Read More →

Texas governor and former Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry suffered another memory lapse today, forgetting Mitt Romney's name for an agonizing 146 seconds on live television.

The incident occurred this morning outside a Texas polling station where Perry cast his vote. He had invited the media along for the trip intending to stage a photo-op afterwards in an effort to get out the vote. ... Read More →

Fox News has called the 2012 presidential election for Republican Mitt Romney.

The official call came this morning during Fox and Friends when blond newsreader Gretchen Carlson made the declaration:

"Okay folks hang onto your hats, this is a big one. Fox News can now project that Republican Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts will be the 45th President of the United States."... Read More →

Fox News political pundit Dick Morris says Mitt Romney will easily win tomorrow's presidential election, predicting 'at least' a 25-point margin for the Republican candidate.

The veteran pollster and political prognosticator claimed in a interview with Fox blond newsreader Megyn Kelly that mainstream polls vastly underestimate Romney's support in an effort to fix the election, and that the real numbers are much higher.... Read More →

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney claimed today that he was born in the Ohio city of Toledo.

The claim comes the day before the U.S. presidential election, the outcome of which is likely to rest on voters in this industrial midwestern state.

Romney was actually born in Detroit, Michigan, just 60 miles north of the Ohio border. This inconvenient reality, however, didn't stop the notorious fibber from proclaiming his love for his newfound homestate:... Read More →

Mitt Romney was arrested in 1972 for a coke related DUI, The Daily Currant can exclusively reveal.

A lengthy investigation by journalists from this newspaper and several local affiliates in the Boston metro area uncovered the hitherto unreported arrest which occurred in Belmont, MA while Romney was a graduate student at Harvard University.

After being stopped for erratic driving, Romney was held for three days and ultimately released for lack of evidence. He was never charged with a crime, and the incident was expunged from his official record.... Read More →