Public schools around the nation will replace hot dogs with "carrot dogs" this fall as the result of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move campaign.
At a national Parent-Teacher Associations conference the First Lady unveiled the new healthy item, which represents the future of American school lunch menus.
“It will comprise a full-sized carrot placed in a whole grain pita bread, loaded with pickles, onions, and thinly sliced celery,” she explained to the audience. “To really make it special, the whole thing is topped off with hummus.
“It will be super healthy with the right amount of calories and nutrition for a growing child. It’s time out kids start eating right. For a bright future we need a bright meal and the carrot-dog is the answer.”
Chefs from around the world met to discuss the optimum school lunch. “We reconstructed the Chicago-style hot dog to meet the needs of today's children.” said Chef Mario Batali, who helped design the new dog. “This will revolutionize school lunch for the better.”
To round out the meal it will also include beet nuggets, date fingers, currant fries, and drink with one part water, two parts tomato juice. For dessert each child will be served three green M&Ms.
“The kids are going to love it,” said Obama. “No more pizza, hamburgers or fries, which, in my experience, children tend to find too flavorful.”
Hold the onions
Michelle Obama has made ending childhood obesity the signature issue of her time as First Lady. In 2010 she introduced the Let's Move! campaign, which seeks to encourage physical exercise and healthier meals in schools.
Obama's efforts have attracted criticism, however, from conservatives who see the program as an intrusion on personal liberty which gives the right to be fat.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie spoke about the "carrot-dog" at a press conference this morning when a reporter from The New York Times pressed the issue.
“How can they even think about making New Jersey kids eat a carrot for a meal? Carrots are for rabbits. Rabbits are the food.
“They are promoting veganism, which is highly un-American and borders on the line of treason. You know hummus is from the Middle East, right?”
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann also spoke to a local television station about the controversy, saying, “I’m with Chris. Trust me, that guy knows his food. If he says carrots are bad for our children, I believe him.
“Think about it: carrots are pointy. What if they poke their eyes out or God forbid stab someone? A bully with a carrot is going to cause trouble. Besides, processed food is cheaper and therefore better for the taxpayer.”
To prove a point, Bachmann then opened a large bag of Doritos, dumped a jar of cheese dip in it, shook it to mix the contents, and began chomping down.
“I grew up on chips, fried food, soda, and besides my chronic constipation, I turned out just fine.”
