Ukraine is planning to march large numbers of gay men into Crimea in hopes of scaring off Russian soldiers currently occupying the territory.
According to local reports this “gay army” will be unarmed and its mission will be to act as flamboyantly homosexual as possible, causing the deeply prejudiced occupying force to flee back to its homeland.... Read More →
The United Nations has appointed Sarah Palin as a special envoy to Ukraine, hoping she can help mediate a solution to the growing geopolitical crisis in that country.
According to sources close to the situation, Palin and a team of international crisis experts will fly to Kiev tonight to meet with Ukrainian officials before moving on to Moscow to negotiate a final settlement with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin over the fate of the disputed Crimea region.... Read More →
As the rhetoric in Washington, D.C. moves toward addressing income inequality, super wealthy Americans are expressing interest in moving out -- and going south of the border.
Mexican immigration officials reported that their website saw a massive surge in visitor traffic in the weeks following President Obama's executive order to raise the minimum wage. Data provided by the National Security Agency (NSA) showed that most online visitors originated from the United States' wealthiest Zip codes.... Read More →
Girl Scouts in Colorado have begun incorporating marijuana into their cookies in an effort to boost sales.
According to a report in the Rocky Mountain News, Sara Little of Boulder has sold more than $50,000 of marijuana-infused Thin Mint cookies in the last seven days and is on track to do more than $700,000 in sales this season.... Read More →
President Obama nominated Oprah Winfrey to serve as ambassador to Russia today.
In a written statement, the White House said the veteran broadcaster has been selected to replace Russian policy expert Michael McFaul, who announced last week that he was stepping down after little more than a year on the job.... Read More →
Russia awarded former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum an honorary gold medal today for his work in combating “gay propaganda” around the world.
In a surprise ceremony this morning president Vladimir Putin bestowed America’s most ardent opponent of gay rights with a special edition of Russia's Order of St. Catherine the Great Martyr, which celebrates achievements in cultural preservation.... Read More →
The man responsible for operating the Olympic Rings during last night’s Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Russia was found dead today.
According to local reports the body of Boris Avdeyev was found his hotel room early this morning with multiple stab wounds.... Read More →
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter provoked controversy today by calling for the public execution of Coca-Cola's CEO.
In an interview with Fox News this morning, the bombastic author claimed that the company's Turkish-American leader Muhtar A. Kent should be hung for treason over Coke's Super Bowl commercial celebrating diversity.... Read More →
A court in Canada has ordered teen pop sensation Justin Bieber to stop making music for the next three years as restitution for a recent assault charge.
In a plea deal with the prosecution today, 19-year-old Bieber agreed to refrain from touring or recording new material in exchange for keeping himself out of jail.... Read More →
Russia's President Vladimir Putin has dedicated the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi to brutal Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin.
During an interview on the state-owned Russia One channel, Putin said bringing the Winter Olympics to Russia confirmed its status as a world power, comparable to the Soviet Union in the Stalin era.... Read More →
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The death panels set up under Obamacare ordered their first execution today.
At a hearing this morning in Chicago, the president's Patient Resource Efficiency Board (PREB) ruled that 86-year-old Dorthy Zborknak has outlived her usefulness and sentenced her to death by firing squad.... Read More →
A Georgia man was arrested today for failing to enroll in Obamacare.
According to the Atlanta Times, Clint Bellwood, 28, of Sandy Springs was awoken at his home early Monday morning by a team of FBI agents and taken into custody.... Read More →
