Starbucks Renames ‘Grandes’ Following Ariana Grande Scandal

Starbucks Ariana Grande

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Starbucks has issued a nationwide ban on calling their 16oz size cups 'grandes,’ and now will refer to the medium size coffee only as ‘freediums.’ This comes days after the pop star Ariana Grande was caught licking donuts at a California shop, kissing her backup dancer boyfriend and saying, “I hate America, I hate America.”

Despite the fact that ‘“grande’” actually means ‘“large’” in Italian, Portuguese, Spanish and French, at Starbucks a 16oz size grande drink is perceived as a medium.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz told shareholders, “There’s nothing more American than a grande frappicinio topped with whipped cream and carmel. We don’t want to damper that image of patriotism with a name that has now been associated it with hating our beautiful country.,” said spokesperson for Starbucks, James Grant.

While the grande size has been around since way before the pop star, “It’s your typical chicken and the egg scenario. Many millennials really don’t know what came first, the size or the pop star. This movement should clear that right up,” said SchultzGrant.

The Internet has been constantly associating the two, with meme of Ariana as a coffee cup. Starbucks even got in on the fun making up an Ariana Grande drink with, “extra everything.”

“These days are long over. Any customer who now asks for an Ariana Grande will politely be asked to leave, and may be under government investigation,” said Schultz.Grant.

This isn’t the first time our country has tried to rename an otherwise American food. In late 2002 Congressman Walter Jones coined the term “Freedom Fries,” after France refused to join the Iraq war.

“We feel licking donuts is basically the same thing,” explained ShultzGrant.

Starbucks intends to stick with this new size name. “You know how when you try to order a small coffee at Starbucks and the Barista looks at you like you have five heads?” Said West Hollywood barista Chaz Lennon. “Now if you try to order a Grande instead of a Feedium coffee. We’ve been instructed to give you the same type of treatment. Personally I’m less disgusted by the donut licking and hating America statement, and more revolted by the dating her backup dancer. Have standards, Sweetie.”

Even though the pop star has publicly apologized, once in a statement where she spelled country wrong, and another in a video, where she never explained the donut licking and instead kept mentioning her puffy cheeks. The singer did claim that when she said she hated America she was referring our obesity problem.

“Who do you think spends the most money at Starbucks?” sSaid SchultzGrant. “Apology or not. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t un-lick those donuts or unhate our country.”

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