HP reentered the acquisition fray today with a $5 billion purchase of social gaming titan Zynga.

The surprise move comes just one day after taking an $8 billion write-down on its previous $10 billion acquisition of enterprise software concern Autonomy.

HP is offering Zynga's existing shareholders an all cash deal at $6.32 a share, which  represents a 280% premium over its closing price yesterday. ... Read More →


christieNew Jersey Governor Chris Christie joined a long line of Republican figures today in blasting failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney for his now infamous 'gifts' comments.

In an interview with a local TV station the always bombastic Christie called Romney a  'coward' and a 'loser' for failing to take responsibility for his thumping loss in the presidential election. ... Read More →


Defeated presidential candidate Mitt Romney claimed today he could have won last week's election had his campaign offered black voters government-funded fried chicken.

Earlier this week Romney told a group of Republican donors on a conference call that president Obama had won reelection because he offered government "gifts" to young people, Latinos, and blacks.

Today CNN obtained an extended audio recording of that call in which Romney goes even further:... Read More →


French President François Hollande imposed a new tax on breathing today.

The Contribution Respiratoire de Solidarité (CRS) will place a €2000 charge on every 100mof air expelled from a rich French person's lungs in an effort to close the country's gaping budget deficit.

The charge will only be applied to citizens making more than €100,000 a year. Given the average human uses about 900m3 of air per year, the total cost of the new tax is estimated at about €18000 per person annually.... Read More →


Obama PhonesThe Obama administration has discreetly begun a program to distribute free iPhones to low-income and minority voters who supported the president in last week's election.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development started mailing 64 GB $849 iPhone 5s to Obama supporters in Detroit last week, and plans to expand the effort nationwide. Sources within HUD say they may hand out up to 2 million such taxpayer-funded 'Obamaphones' over the next 3 months.... Read More →


Sources close to President Obama's inner circle say the recently reelected Democrat is planning to impose a heavy tax on country music to help close America's gaping budget deficit.

According to a top official at the White House's Office of Management and Budget the proposed 35% tax on sales of country albums and profits of country radio stations could bring in over $1.3 billion a year.... Read More →


Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Newt Gingrich announced today that he voted for himself as a write in candidate for President.

The Georgia native ran unsuccessfully for the Republican nomination this year, dropping out in May and endorsing Mitt Romney.

However, Gingrich says when the time came to mark his ballot last week, he couldn't in good conscience vote for anyone but himself: ... Read More →


Former George W. Bush adviser Karl Rove claimed today that the Chobani brand of strained yogurt is responsible for Republican election defeats last week.

In an interview with Fox News's Megyn Kelly  the Texan spin doctor explained that the popularity of the Greek style yogurt is spreading "European values" to Americans, making it harder for conservatives to win elections:... Read More →


President Barack Obama introduced a new flag today for the United States of America.

At a press conference in Washington, D.C. the recently reelected socialist declared that he had issued an executive order replacing the traditional stars-and-stripes with a new design intended to be  more "progressive and diverse."... Read More →


Former Republican congressman Tom Tancredo claimed today that the GOP would have won Tuesday's election by a landslide if only they had increased their animosity toward Latinos.

Mitt Romney garnered only 27% of the hispanic vote on election day, versus 71% for Barack Obama. The difference provided Obama with his entire margin of victory.

As the proportion of Latino voters continues to rise, major figures in the Republican Party are calling for a reevaluation of their strategy to reach this key demographic. But Tancredo says the analysts have it backwards:... Read More →


Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper reportedly broke down in tears upon hearing the news Tuesday night that intellectual soul-mate Mitt Romney had lost the U.S. presidential election.

The Conservative Albertan had anticipated a Romney victory and was emotionally crushed by the prospect of not being able to work with the Republican standard-bearer for the next four years of his premiership. ... Read More →


Former Republican Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin announced last night her intention to run for U.S. president in 2014.

Speaking exclusively to Fox News from her Wasilla, Alaska home, Palin said there was no time to waste in replacing the newly reelected Barack Obama:

"Barack Obama's second term is going to be a bigger disaster than the first," she said in an interview to Fox's Sean Hannity. "We need to prepare our nation for the post-Obama era of prosperity.... Read More →