Former Pennsylvania Senator and GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has claimed that a 'homosexual cabal' stole Tuesday's presidential election.

The conservative catholic politician told CNN this morning that something about the official numbers "just didn't add up" and was forced to draw the only obvious conclusion:

"I see the hand of the homosexual in this massive election fraud," Santorum explained, "Romney was tied or leading in most polls before the election. And then he loses?... Homosexual dirty tricks. It's is the only explanation that makes sense."... Read More →

 

Despite his loss in the U.S. presidential election last night, online wiki Conservapedia has declared Republican Mitt Romney the 45th President of the United States.

The factually challenged conservative alternative to Wikipedia was edited last night to describe a thumping Romney victory in yesterday's presidential contest:

"Romney trounced the Kenyan-born Obama in all 51 states in the Union, plus the territories of Nova Scotia and Hawaii," reads the article.... Read More →

 

Russian president Vladimir Putin has offered Mitt Romney a job guarding a large pile of Siberian dog excrement.

The Slavic strongman made the offer at a televised press conference in Moscow this morning when reporter asked for his reaction the results of the American election:

"I'm happy to working again with Mr. Obama," responded Putin. "And I'm even happier not to be working with the dog-killer from Boston."... Read More →

 

New York Times political statistician Nate Silver has built a new statistical model which says there is a 93.4% chance Joe Scarborough will remain an asshole for the foreseeable future.

The morning television jockey had criticized Silver's ability to forecast elections, calling him an 'ideologue' and a 'joke' on MSNBC's Morning Joe program last week.... Read More →

 

Conservative political pundit Pat Buchanan stoked controversy today by claiming that Barack Obama's reelection has 'killed White America'.

The paleoconservative nativist is no stranger to racial controversy, having previously been accused of writing books with racist and anti-semitic undertones.

But the former Nixon advisor was more explicit on the G. Gordon Liddy Show this morning. When asked for his reaction to Obama's victory, Buchanan replied brazenly:... Read More →

 

downloadSpeaking to an assemblage of reporters on Capitol Hill this morning, Republican Congressional leaders Eric Cantor, John Boehner, and Mitch McConnell promised the nation they will under no circumstances cooperate with the newly reelected President Obama.

Boehner, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, pledged to a rabidly anti-Obama public that his party will do everything it can to sabotage the president's second-term agenda:... Read More →

 

Chicago mayor and former White House Chief-of-Staff Rham Emanuel tore into Fox News host Sean Hannity tonight on live television.

Emanuel was on the conservative network to offer his opinion on the night's election results, which saw his former boss Barack Obama reelected to the presidency for another four  years.

A devastated Hannity, however, was intent on using the occasion to vent his rage at the nights events and incessantly provoked Emanuel's ire:... Read More →

 

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu slammed the American electorate today, calling them 'ignorant' and 'intellectually challenged' for re-electing Barack Obama to the presidency.

The conservative politician from Israel's Likud party made the comments during a live interview with Australia's ABC News.

Ostensibly on the network to discuss Israeli-Australian relations, the conversation soon turned to the day's big news - Obama's reelection to a new 4-year term.... Read More →

 

Liberal Hollywood celebrities are celebrating Obama's reelection tonight with a 300 person orgy at George Clooney's house, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Godless elites of entertainment such as Sean Penn, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Warren Beatty are joyously ringing in four more years with a debaucherous sexual free-for-all expected to last well into tomorrow afternoon.... Read More →

 

The wife of Tagg Romney has reportedly refused to give the eldest son of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney a blowjob following his father's loss in tonight's election.

After watching his father's concession speech, Tagg retreated to his bedroom and asked his wife to console him:

"I was just feeling a little low," Tagg explains "I thought maybe a nice little blumpkin would pick me up. So I asked her very politely. I said 'Honey, I really need this' "... Read More →

 

h_biden_joseph_200771074459125Newly reelected U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden has reportedly drunk dialed rival Paul Ryan's wife after ingesting too much celebratory champagne.

After three bottles of bubbly and two keg-stands, the 69-year-old Biden started dialing random numbers from his iPhone.

A reporter at the Democratic HQ celebration party captured the Janna Ryan portion of the incident on tape, and has provided The Daily Currant with the exclusive transcript:... Read More →

 

Conservative internet commentator Glenn Beck has called Obama's reelection "the first step" towards total Islamic law in the United States.

On his live election broadcast tonight Beck proclaimed election night 2012 "the day Sharia arrived in America".

Barack Obama was raised in an agnostic household, and professes to be a Christian as an adult. However, his grandfather, Hussein Onyango Obamawas a practicing Muslim in Kenya.... Read More →