New iPhone App Will Revolutionize the Way You Think About Toaster Pastries

 

Have you ever agonized over not getting your sugary breakfast food out of the toaster at exactly the right time? You know what I mean. You're late to the office (or school or whatever). You pop a Pop Tart in your toaster while you're busy changing in the next room and getting your last minute Powerpoint together.

As you're putting the finishing touches on your genius proposal, BOOM - you remember that you popped that pastry in the toaster. But alas, your pastry is now too cold to eat, and if you throw it back in the toaster it will overcook. Yes - your pastry is lost.... Read More →

Vegetarianism ‘More Dangerous Than Smoking’

 

Researchers at Harvard Medical School reported last month that consumption of red meat greatly increased the risk of death from all causes. Their 16 year study found that  each extra three ounces of red meat eaten daily increases one's risk of cardiovascular disease by 16%, cancer by 10% and death from all causes by 12%.

However, this week researchers at the Coalition for a Balanced Diet - a group funded mostly be large U.S. meat companies - have presented a contrasting study. The new study finds that people who follow a strictly vegetarian diet actually increase their risk of all cancers by a whopping 385%. This striking conclusion would mean that excluding meat from one's diet contributes more to one's cancer risk than any other single cause - including smoking.... Read More →

Broken Printing Press Threatens Global Economic Recovery

 

Concerns swirled around Washington D.C. and New York today as leaders in the United States' political and economic capitals fretted about the impact of a partial shutdown of a Bureau of Engraving and Printing facility in Fort Worth, Texas. The facility produces half of the paper currency in the United States and since Monday has been operating at 25% capacity due to a technical error in several of its printing machines.

In a speech to the Economic Club of New York Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke  made clear the urgency of the situation, "We all know that the foundation of economic growth is printing enough money to meet the government's spending needs. What's happening now in Fort Worth is very troubling . We at the Federal Reserve are monitoring things very carefully and are prepared to act if needed."... Read More →

Florida Rethinking “Shoot Blacks First” Law

 

The US state of Florida, home to legal fiascoes such as the 2000 US Presidential Election , is considering abandoning a law that allows its white citizens to shoot its black citizens whenever they feel like it. Pressure to change the law has been intense since the shooting of Trayvon Martin, a 17 year old black high school student who was killed while unarmed by George Zimmerman, an overzealous neighborhood watchman.

A spokesperson for the state claimed that the law was intended as a way to deter crime, but this incident has shown that perhaps it is not particually effective. "It sounded like a good idea at the time" he explains, "I mean if you let white people shoot black people, you get rid of most of the criminals right? At least that's what we thought would happen."... Read More →

Ayatollah Khamenei Endorses Rick Santorum

 

Ayatollah Seyed Ali Hosseini Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Iran has decided to endorse Rick Santorum for the US Republican presidential nomination. Speaking in a television interview to Iranian state owned Press TV, Khamenei says he was impressed with Santorum's dedication to his faith and opposition to homosexuality.

"I don't agree with Rick on every issue," the Ayatollah explained, "But he's right on the right to life. He's right on the place of women in the workplace. He's right on standing up to the homosexual agenda. The more I hear from him the more I like."... Read More →

Mitt Romney Considering Dropping Out, Buying Canada Instead

 

Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney is said to be considering dropping out of the Republican nomination race for United States president, according to sources close to the former Massachusetts governor. Tentative reports out of the Romney camp indicate that the candidate has realized that despite the fact that he nearly has the nomination locked up,  it might be cheaper for him to simply buy the entire country of Canada and elect himself Prime Minister than it would be to continue on with an expensive American general election campaign.

... Read More →