Hollande Hires Banlieue Youths to Clean Elysee Palace With Karcher

 

In a move rife with symbolism newly elected French president François Hollande has hired eight underprivileged youths from one of France's poorest neighborhoods to help clean up the Elysee presidential palace recently vacated by his predecessor Nicolas Sarkozy.

The ad-hoc cleaning crew from the troubled Paris suburb of Clichy-Sous-Bois will spend two months powerwashing the palace's walls, floors, and corridors with Karcher brand electric high-pressure water cleaners to remove unsightly levels of mold, rust, and calcified decay which had built up during the Sarkozy presidency. ... Read More →

Hundreds Arrested In Global Warming Hoax Scandal

 

Scientists and politicians the world over were stunned today to learn that the fringe conspiracy theory which holds that global climate change is a hoax perpetrated by scientists, European governments, and the alternative energy industry turns out to be true.

The office of the United States Attorney for the District of Columbia announced this morning in Washington D.C. the arrest and indictments of 378 people connected to a decades-long effort to convince the global public that Earth's temperature was warming and that human emissions of greenhouse gases were the cause. The scheme was hatched in the early 1980's and aimed to profit from shares connected to companies involved in the alternative energy business - especially manufacturers of solar panels such as the bankrupt firm Solyndra.... Read More →

Doug Ellin Penning Workplace Comedy About Maserati Dealership

 

Entourage co-creator and showrunner Doug Ellin is in talks with several television production studios to develop a workplace comedy about four lifelong friends who work at a Beverly Hills Maserati dealership, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Refusing to rest on his laurels after the mega-successful run of Entourage on HBO, Ellin has been busy developing new comedy series for the premium network under an overall deal with his Fly The Coop production company.... Read More →

Natalie Tran Fingered in Australia Internet Outage

 

Australia's national telecommunications operator Telstra has announced that broadband speeds in Oz will slow to a trickle in the coming days due to the overloading of one of its undersea cables linking the island nation to North America.

The Telstra Endeavour submarine cable - which connects Australian computers to the wider Internet though the U.S. state of Hawaii - is dangerously overcapacity due almost entirely to Americans attempting to view videos of Australia's vlogette fatale: Natalie Tran. ... Read More →

Yahoo Takes $12 Billion Path to Mobile Social Space

 

Troubled Internet leviathan Yahoo has made a dramatic entree into the mobile social networking space with a $12 billion dollar acquisition of Path - the nascent social "mininet" on iOS and Android founded by a prominent former Facebook employee.

The deal sets a clear new mobile-centric strategy for the Silicon Valley's leading Internet portal cum email service - which has struggled to adapt to the rise of Web 2.0, social media, video sharing, search engines, tha mobile web, and just about every other innovation on the Internet since hypertext.... Read More →

Investigation Reveals Cornwall Left U.K. in 2004, Nobody Noticed

 

Amidst the furor of a potential referendum on Scottish independence, an investigation by The Daily Currant can reveal that the English region of Cornwall left the United Kingdom in 2004 and has been an indepdnent country now for nearly 6 years.

The revelation has sparked curiosity amongst the British public - many of whom had never known the former Celctic kingdom which was incorprated into England in the 11th century had ever been part of the U.K. at all. ... Read More →

7 Dead in MSNBC / Fox News Charity Softball Mêlée

 

America was stunned today to learn that several of that nation's top media personalities from its two highest rated twenty-four hour news networks have been killed during a charity sporting event meant to raise money for sick children.

Newsanchors from the left-leaning MSNBC network and the right-leaning Fox News Channel met yesterday in New York's Central Park for the 5th Annual Swing for the Cure event sponsored by the National Alliance for Childhood Leukemia (NACL). ... Read More →

South Africa Commends U.S. on Human Rights Progress

 

Following U.S. President Obama's statement yesterday in favor of the right for American gays to marry, Maite Nkoana-Mashabane - South Africa's Minister of Internatinoal Affairs and Cooperation -  issued a statement applauding the U.S. on "moving towards the South African example of human rights for all."

The statement also expressed that although the South African government was still skeptical that marriage equality will be enacted in all 50 states anytime soon, it welcomed Obama's gesture as a  "move in a positive direction."... Read More →

North Carolina Divorce Lawyers in Crisis as Homosexual Threat Averted

 

Yesterday the U.S. state of North Carolina overwhelmingly passed a referendum which extended that state's already existent ban on gay marriage into the its constitution - making it the 30th state in America to do so.

Today the Alliance of North Carolina Divorce Attorneys (ANCDA) announced that it will be accepting donations for an emergency relief fund designed to cushion the financial impact of  the measure - known as Amendment One  - on its members and their families.... Read More →

David Cameron Asks India to Pay for English Language

 

British Prime Minister David Cameron will shortly unveil a plan to boost the U.K government's sagging finances in which India and other members of the Commonwealth of Nations would be asked to pay for the use of the English language, the Daily Currant can reveal.

The plan comes amid the news that the U.K. economy has plunged back into recession and highlights the growing economic gap between Britain - which once dominated the world economy for centuries - and its far more prosperous former colonies. ... Read More →

Screenwriter Pitching Series About New Yorker Finding His Way in L.A.

 

A modestly successful Hollywood screenwriter has reportedly written a pilot for a "groundbreaking" series which concerns a young 20-something creative type from New York moving to L.A. and struggling to adapt to his new surroundings.

Josh Shore - a staff writer on ABC's hit sitcom Modern Family - says he'll be pitching the half-hour dramedy to premium cable networks and AMC.... Read More →

Drug Addict Continues to Make Bad Decisions

 

Lindsay Lohan, the former Hollywood actress turned celebutante sans égal, has shocked the gossip columns and the celebrity blogsophere by making yet another bad decision.

The 25 year old professional substance abuser has reportedly been apprehended by Santa Monica police after driving her black Mercedes Gelandewagen down a pedestrian-only boulevard on the city's famed 3rd Street Promenade in pursuit of a man dressed in a black rabbit costume. ... Read More →