A new study released today shows that global climate change may melt American pop icon Cher within five years.
According to the analysis, published in the prestigious journal Nature, higher temperatures near Cher’s home in Southern California will likely melt materials used in her numerous plastic surgeries, turning her into what scientists describe as a “puddle”. ... Read More →
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed today that Palestinians were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.
In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper this morning, the hardline conservative leader was asked to defend his recent comments, in which he claimed Palestinians were responsible for the Holocaust.... Read More →
Quarterback Matthew Stafford and six other Detroit Lions are out for the season after being struck by lightning last night.
Following a heartbreaking loss to the Seahawks on Monday Night Football, the team bus broke down three blocks short of the Lions' hotel in downtown Seattle. Rather than wait for a replacement bus, all 52 players decided to walk in the rain to their destination. ... Read More →
Millions of people across the United States took to the streets yesterday to celebrate the fourth consecutive day without a deadly school shooting in America.
The astounding streak started last Thursday when a gunman entered Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon and killed nine people before committing suicide. Amazingly, four entire days have now passed without another school shooting taking place. ... Read More →
Leading scientists from around the world warned today that electing a robot as United States president could lead to the extinction of the human race.
In an open letter in this morning’s New York Times, over 500 Nobel-prize winners and other scholars urged Americans to reject the campaign of Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton, fearing a malfunction could spell disaster. ... Read More →
Don't worry America, Donald Trump has a plan to fight obesity.
During a campaign stop in North Dakota this morning, a reporter from local WNOT-TV News pressed the Republican frontrunner on his plans for fighting America's growing weight problem.... Read More →
Hillary Clinton has developed a sudden appetite for reforming America's correctional system.
Amidst speculation that she herself could face jail time over the growing email scandal engulfing her candidacy, the former Secretary of State announced today a series of "vital and urgent" proposals to improve conditions in federal women's prisons.... Read More →
The Kentucky county clerk recently jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licences ascended into heaven this morning.
According to local reports, Davis was about to begin a press conference in her hometown of Morehead when a beam of light from the sky appeared and whisked her into Paradise.... Read More →
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today a $1.25 million bounty on any player who can take out Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s knees, resulting in an injury lasting at least four weeks.
During the final press conference before the National Football League 2015 season, Goodell explained the bounty had become necessary after a federal judge overturned Brady's suspension for ‘Deflate-gate’.... Read More →
Sarah Palin claimed today that Native Americans should leave America and go back to their homeland 'Nativia'.
In an interview with Fox News this morning, the former Alaskan governor was asked about her support of Donald Trump and his controversial views on immigration.... Read More →
Many political pundits wrote off Donald Trump's presidential ambitions after he killed rival Jeb Bush's pet kitten on live television Saturday.
But a new poll released today shows that the eccentric billionaire now leads the GOP field by an even greater margin than before.... Read More →
Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.”
Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get more female supporters, Trump held an intense focus groups at the Trump Plaza where after days of tests and research, he finally was able to discover one female that does not disgust him.... Read More →
