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UK

Rupert Murdoch Down to Three Vials of Panda Blood a Day

May 24th, 2012

 

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Billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch - the founder and chairman of News Corporation (NWS) - is reducing the amount of panda blood he has injected into his heart each day, The Daily Currant can reveal.

The Australian-born 81 year old has consumed raw vials of baby panda blood each day for the past ten years in an effort to stave off death and avoid a messy secession fight among his family for control of his media empire.

There is no scientific evidence that the treatment works, and it entails capturing and eventually killing scores of baby great pandas - one of the most notable endangered species in the world.... Read More →

Hundreds Arrested In Global Warming Hoax Scandal

May 20th, 2012

 

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Scientists and politicians the world over were stunned today to learn that the fringe conspiracy theory which holds that global climate change is a hoax perpetrated by scientists, European governments, and the alternative energy industry turns out to be true.

The office of the United States Attorney for the District of Columbia announced this morning in Washington D.C. the arrest and indictments of 378 people connected to a decades-long effort to convince the global public that Earth's temperature was warming and that human emissions of greenhouse gases were the cause. The scheme was hatched in the early 1980's and aimed to profit from shares connected to companies involved in the alternative energy business - especially manufacturers of solar panels such as the bankrupt firm Solyndra.... Read More →

Investigation Reveals Cornwall Left U.K. in 2004, Nobody Noticed

May 15th, 2012

 

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Amidst the furor of a potential referendum on Scottish independence, an investigation by The Daily Currant can reveal that the English region of Cornwall left the United Kingdom in 2004 and has been an indepdnent country now for nearly 6 years.

The revelation has sparked curiosity amongst the British public - many of whom had never known the former Celctic kingdom which was incorprated into England in the 11th century had ever been part of the U.K. at all. ... Read More →

David Cameron Asks India to Pay for English Language

May 8th, 2012

 

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British Prime Minister David Cameron will shortly unveil a plan to boost the U.K government's sagging finances in which India and other members of the Commonwealth of Nations would be asked to pay for the use of the English language, the Daily Currant can reveal.

The plan comes amid the news that the U.K. economy has plunged back into recession and highlights the growing economic gap between Britain - which once dominated the world economy for centuries - and its far more prosperous former colonies. ... Read More →

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