Asia

Natalie Tran Held For Being Too Funny on Airplane

May 26th, 2012

Natalie Tran - Australia's leading online comedienne - has been detained at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) following an incident aboard a Sydney to Los Angeles flight, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Sources say the perpetually salutary Tran was mobbed by adoring fans while flying aboard a Quantas A380 to the United States. Two people were reported to have sustained minor injuries during the incident and the distruption was significant enough to trigger the capitain's intervention.

Upon landing Tran was taken for questioning by U.S. oficials. Although cleared of all wrongdoing, she has been detained due to her citizenship status until her return to Oz can be arranged. ... Read More →

Rupert Murdoch Down to Three Vials of Panda Blood a Day

May 24th, 2012

Billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch - the founder and chairman of News Corporation (NWS) - is reducing the amount of panda blood he has injected into his heart each day, The Daily Currant can reveal.

The Australian-born 81 year old has consumed raw vials of baby panda blood each day for the past ten years in an effort to stave off death and avoid a messy secession fight among his family for control of his media empire.

There is no scientific evidence that the treatment works, and it entails capturing and eventually killing scores of baby great pandas - one of the most notable endangered species in the world.... Read More →

North Korea Successfully Launches 50,000 Kilos of Rice Into Space

May 22nd, 2012

Confusion reigned across the globe today as North Korea announced that it had yesterday successively tested a new orbital heavy lift launch vehicle by launching a massive payload of 50,000 kilograms of rice into low-earth orbit.

The diplomatically and economically isolated Stalinist dictatorship - officially known as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK)- revealed the May 21 launch on state television and boasted that its Juche I rocket will herald "a new era in the struggle against American imperialism of the heavens"... Read More →

Natalie Tran Fingered in Australia Internet Outage

May 17th, 2012

Australia's national telecommunications operator Telstra has announced that broadband speeds in Oz will slow to a trickle in the coming days due to the overloading of one of its undersea cables linking the island nation to North America.

The Telstra Endeavour submarine cable - which connects Australian computers to the wider Internet though the U.S. state of Hawaii - is dangerously overcapacity due almost entirely to Americans attempting to view videos of Australia's vlogette fatale: Natalie Tran. ... Read More →

China Arrests Lovestruck Blogger For Crimes Against the State

April 28th, 2012

The People's Republic of China announced today that is has arrested a young blogger for "anti-revolution" and "dissident" activities. Zhū Yǔnwén (朱允炆), a 12 year old from outside Beijing, is accused of inciding sympathies for the Taiwanese and American governments though his posts on Twitter-like microblogging site Weibo and the social networking site Ren-Ren.... Read More →

Shock as India Trades Goa for Kashmir

April 1st, 2012

Shock reigned across South Asia today as it was revealed that the region's two biggest rivals had solved a decades long territorial dispute overnight. Pakistani and Indian officials announced this morning that following months of secret talks Pakistan has agreed to trade the parts of Kashmir under its control for the Indian coastal enclave of Goa, a former Portuguese colony known mostly for the quality of its beaches.

Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari held a joint news conference in New Delhi where Singh extolled the virtues of the deal which finally unites the province of Kashmir for the first time since the partition of British India in 1947, while also allowing Pakistanis access to decent beaches for the first time in their history. "Kashmir and Goa are both very important parts of our national identity," Singh exclaimed "But when the opportunity presented itself to finally achieve victory in Kashmir, it was a chance too good to pass up."... Read More →